


Underneath It All

by childrenofdestiny



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Inquisitor Backstory, Mages and Templars, Siblings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-02-25 18:47:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 28,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13218921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childrenofdestiny/pseuds/childrenofdestiny
Summary: After what happened in Ferelden, Cullen Rutherford was sent to Ostwick Circle. There he meets Nikki Trevelyan, the circle's mage healer who is not concerned with his grumpy attitude. He finds that she is caring, but he is apprehensive. He has a duty to do, but he can't stop the pull she has on him. Nor can she stop the pull he has on her.The retelling of Dragon Age Inquisition using my head cannon :)FYI: I am in the process of editing previous chapters so that the story reads better. New chapters coming soon!





	1. Running Late

She winced as her tiny feet contacted the marble flooring. Her short fingers frantically trying to tie her wavy auburn hair into a bun as each bounding step caused for the strains to jostle and eventually fall. 

Running late, again! Now if only magic could keep hair in place.

Shoes pinching. She must have grabbed the wrong pair, again. If she could get to the clinic before the Templars changed shifts then Bryan wouldn’t know about her tardiness. Who was she kidding, he always knew.

The days schedule played out in her head, clinic hours open to mages and templars until noon, then the Templars had their afternoon sparring practice. She should be prepared for some bumps and bruises. Maybe a few cuts, and if she was lucky a lovely gash to even out her day. She’d close up the circle’s clinic and check in with the younger apprentices to make sure none had gotten hurt from their lessons during the day. Off to bed to start it all over the next day.

Almost there.

Hard, cold and unyielding, she fell to the ground. Her backside taking the brunt of her fall.

“Andraste’s left foot!” She shrieked. “What was that for?”

“Maybe you should watch where you are going, mage.” the baritone voice said.

Her eyes roamed from the pair of boots up the traditional Templars’ armor to a man she had never seen before. He wore a scowled look, he cocked his eyebrow as his amber eyes regarded her. It was the golden hair that curled atop his head that caught her attention.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man with such curly hair.” She muttered. His cheeks blossomed with a pink hue. “Oh! I’m sorry!” scrambling to her feet she bowed her head. “Welcome to Ostwick Circle, Ser. I am Healer Nikki Trevelyan. Are you new to this circle?”

“Yes, I am Ser Cullen. I am looking for the Knight-Commander. He requested I see him upon my arrival.” He stated. It was then she saw the small bag he had slung around his shoulder. No doubt the small amount of clothes he would wear when not in uniform. If Templars were ever truly out of their uniform.

“His office is down this corridor,” Nikki explained, pointing down the hall she had just barreled down. “Go down to the end of the hallway and take a left. His office is beyond the double doors. He is usually there at this hour. Otherwise you can find him in the Templars’ dining room on the second floor.”

“Thank you.” Cullen nodded. “I will try his office first.” he took a few steps before turning back to her. “What did you say your name was again?”

“Nikki. Nikki Trevelyan. I’m a healer in the circle clinic. If you ever need anything you can find me there every day. I also make potions if need anything.” A warm smile spread across her face.

“I will keep that in mind. I take my leave of you, Lady Trevelyan.” Cullen turned down the hallway, leaving the young mage behind. Her heart beating in her throat blocked the passage of air to her lungs. She tried to gain it back, but failed.

“Just another stupid Templar.” She whispered to herself.

“May be stupid, but we have good hearing.” Nikki turned to see a familiar face glaring at her. “You’re late, again.” Grey eyes that mirrored her own looked less than enthused with her.

“My dear brother, Ser Bryan, if you will. I was helping a new Templar to our fine circle navigate to the Knight-Commander’s office. Would you have preferred me to ignore him?” She asked. Together they walked towards the clinic.

“Once he gets his bearings, he will quickly learn that you make a horrible habit of being late to everything.” His fingers pressed into the middle of her back as he pushed her towards the clinic. “You would be late to your own funeral. Now come on, Enchanter Renee is waiting for you to see to her swollen ankle.”

Nikki snorted, “You know how much I live to take care of swollen ankles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	2. Rest Well

Ringing glass caught Nikki’s attention from the back room. She had come back to the clinic after dinner to prepare the healing potions for the next day. Usually no one came to the clinic so late and this was the only time the Templars would let her be. That and her time in the privy.

Placing the elfroot on the counter she made her way to the main room.

“Can I help you with something?” She called, turning the corner, only to be greeted by twin molten pools staring back at her. It was the same Templar she had run into this morning.

“Maker’s breath! I didn’t realize anyone was here” Cullen said, his finger running through his hair.

Nikki crossed her arms over his chest, her face hardened as she spoke, “Well I am. Now why are you rummaging through a cabinet that is clearly labeled as empty flasks.”

Cullen closed the cabinet door, there he spotted the label, written in what must be her neat handwriting, ‘Empty Flasks’.

“Oh.” He whispered. “I was just looking for a sleeping draught. Ser Bryan said I could get one from the clinic. He didn’t mention I needed a mage’s permission.”

“I am the maker of these potions and I run this clinic the best I can, even with you Templars interfering with my work.” She said as she walked over to a nearby drawer and retrieved a small vial from its bin.

“Everything you make here belongs to the Chantry, mage.”

“Do you want this sleeping draught or not?” She said, her throat constricting making a hissing noise as she spoke. Cullen nodded. “Then use my name. I don’t know which circle you were at before Ser Cullen, but here Templars at least call us lowly mages by our names.”

“I will keep that under advisement, Nikki.” He breathed her name. She handed the vial to his awaiting hand.

“Do you take these a lot?” She didn’t know what possessed her to ask. It might have been the bluish circles under his eyes, the tired expression he wore, or the low gravel his voice held when he spoke.

“Every night I’m afraid.” He answered.

Nikki took tentative steps towards him until her shoes were toe-to-toe with his. “Usually only the older Templars come looking for those. Having seen too many things they would prefer not to remember. You can’t be much older then me, if not the same age.” she pulled a loose strand of her curly hair behind her ears. “Why don’t I make you a week’s supply at a time. At the beginning of each week I can deliever you another weeks supply. That way you won’t be without it.”

“That won’t be necessary.” He said, red blushed over his cheeks to ears. “I don’t need you to go out of your way for me.”

She chuckled, “You say that like I’ve given you the option. I’m the circle healer. This is what I do. Also, I would like to see you again.”

“What?” He asked.

“Oh! No! I mean, not like that. Maker’s breath.” She covered her mouth as she spoke, her gray eyes meeting amber ones. “I meant to say, to check on you. You are new to the circle, and you look so tired. I would like to know that you are well. It’s my job to make sure everyone is healthy. Mages and Templars.”

Cullen watched her for a moment, as he thought her proposal over.

Andraste help me. I think he can hear my heartbeat.

“That sounds agreeable.” He said, a faint smile playing across his lips.

Nikki smiled in return, “Wonderful. You can either come pick them up or I can bring them to you in the Templar quarters.”

“Are you allowed there?”

“Yes,” She said. “My brother is the Ser Bryan that you spoke of. I may go visit him during specific hours and there are some older Templars that I visit. Mostly they are ones that need more pain management, due to the lyrium.” Her voice wavered. “There is an older gentleman that was protective of me when I was little. He hardly leaves his room anymore due to the pain. I go to see him and make him laugh. It’s the least I can do for him.” She realized she had just run at the mouth, again. She knew brother would be upset with her for giving too much information to someone so new to their circle. “I’m sorry. You asked me a question and I told you more than you needed to know. My brother says I need to stop being friendly to everyone.”

“It’s for the best.” Cullen said. “Thank you, for the potion. I will sleep tonight.”

“You are welcome, Ser Cullen. I hope you sleep well tonight.” She said, “Now please excuse me. I must return to my task before I am to rest for the evening.”

He watched her as she made her way back to the storage room. She’s a strange one. He thought as he made his way to his room. No one else had returned from dinner yet and tomorrow he would start his first shift. Reading through his posts for tomorrow he saw that one of them had him stopping by the clinic in the morning. He smiled to himself as he uncorked the potion, drinking it down as fast as he could.

That night, for the first time in almost a year, he slept well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	3. Human

If she could get the chantry for afternoon prayer, she would have enough time to pray, part of the Chant of Light before they needed her for the training practice. The fastest way to the chantry was through the courtyard. As she opened the double doors that led to the garden she caught a glimpse of her brother, sitting in a chair a perplexed look on his face.

Reaching her hand out to wave, to catch his attention, Nikki stopped when she caught sight of the golden-haired man sitting across the table from him. Her interactions with Ser Cullen had been better as of recently. He called her by her name, instead of mage, and was even polite when she came to give him the sleeping potion. They even shared a quick joke the other day. She admitted to herself that she should not have giggled as loudly as she did. But the slight blush that appeared on his cheeks made her laugh more.

She had learned that he came from Ferelden and he had been a Templar in the circle there. Her brother was the one to tell her all of this.

Sliding behind one of the taller hedges she listened to the men speaking, her ear tentatively touching the leaves.

“Your move, Rutherford.” Bryan said, she could hear his smile. They must be playing chess, he found another poor soul to play against him.

“Patience is a virtue. One wrong move and I could lose this.” Cullen answered.

“You think you can win? My sister usually goes to the chantry at this time. Was hoping to talk to her beforehand.” He grumbled.

‘Crap. What did I do now?’ She thought, a curse on the tip of her tongue.

“Your sister is the healer, Nikki, right?” The sound of her name coming from his lips, her heart could have stopped and she would not have cared. “You are protective of her.”

“I have to be. She hardly cares for her safety most days. I beg your pardon for her. I hope you know she isn’t flirting, she doesn’t understand how her friendly behavior can be seen. And some Templars think they can be handsy.” She imagined that Cullen was blushing by now.

“You need not worry. She’s just a mage. Nothing more.” Those words struck her heart. “In my experience, they can’t be trusted.”

“She’s still my sister. I just want to make sure she doesn’t get hurt.” Bryan said.

“Check.” Cullen replied. “They are hardly even human anymore. How do you know it is your sister? Demons can easily sway them in the fade and turn into abominations.”

She could hear the clicking of the chess piece.

“My sister has been a mage since she was 5. Had her harrowing at age 13.” More clicking pieces, faster. “I think if she would make a deal with a demon she would have done it already. She deserves more than that, Cullen.”

“Suppose you might be right.” He sighed. “Checkmate.”

“How did you do that?” Her brother yelled.

Not wanting to hear more, Nikki walked carefully to the other side of the yard, careful to not be seen. She made it to the chantry in time for the start of the chant.

* * *

 

“Ser Cullen and Ser Bryan, you’re next.” The Knight-Commander yelled, pointing to the sparring ring. “Swords and shields at the ready. Go!”

Nikki watches from her area just outside of the practice area. She was applying a healing spell to Ser Roger’s shoulder, green mist coming from her palm.

“Better?” She hummed as the blue and purple bruise lightened to a brownish hue. “This will teach you not to think you can go toe-to-toe with Ser Kendrick. He is a mountain.”

“Thought I could out maneuver him.” he chuckled. “Sometimes the little river weaves through and around the mountain.”

“I will try to remember that.” She smiled.

Sending him off she turned her attention back to her brother and Cullen slamming into each other with their shields.

“If someone doesn’t get the other outside the circle soon I will call it a draw men.” The Knight-Commander yelled. “And I hate draws!”

With a punishing kick Bryan sent Cullen outside the ring.

“That’s for beating me at chess.” He smiled, offering out his hand. Cullen snorted, allowing the other man to help him up. He watched as Bryan made his way over to his sister. “Come on, have Nikki look at you. Knight-Commander won’t let you back on duty until she clears us.”

“I am fine.” Cullen said, “I will be a little sore, but fine.”

“Nope, come on.” Bryan urged.

“Don’t make him.” Nikki whispered. “I can just tell the Knight-Commander he’s okay to return to duty.” She didn’t feel like talking to him. His words earlier still fresh in her mind. Bryan nodded at his sister. “Now if you please excuse me, I have to clean up here and get back to the clinic.” she turned her back to them as she placed her bandages and empty vials in her basket.

Back in the clinic she rang out the rags she had used to clean a few wounds. There had been no major wounds to note in her logs for the day. The door behind her click open, choosing to ignore it. It was probably just a Templar coming to make sure she wasn’t an abomination yet.

“Nikki.” His voice called out. She turned to see Ser Cullen close the door behind him. He was out of uniform, in a pair of simple brown slacks and a white linen shirt.

“What do you want Ser?” Her tone was harsh. He walked cautiously over to her.

“I hate to do this, but it seems your brother’s sword found the spot between my armor. I was wondering if you could help me bandage it up?” He asked. His voice wavering as he spoke, small beads of sweat appearing on his forehead.

“Yes. I can do that. A simple spell can close the wound.” She explained, pointing to one of the beds for Cullen to sit.

“No, it’s not that bad, just needs to be cleaned and bandaged. No magic.” He said.

“Magic would be faster, less mess.” It confused her.

“Please, not magic. Just bandage.” He tried to smile. How could an angel face speak such hateful things about mages?

Taking a deep breath she resigned herself, “All right. No magic. Sit here and I will go get a salve and some clean bandages.”

When she returned from the back room, her hands full she smiled to see him sitting on the bed like she had requested. “Okay, now remove your shirt.”

“No.” He said.

“I’m not going to ravage you, but fine. Be a stubborn mule.” She muttered. He rolled his eyes and lifted the side of his shirt to give her access to the cut. It wasn’t deep, but she could tell it probably hurt. It was more of a teasing cut, to say he knew where one’s weakness was. “Next time when he goes left, move with him.”

“What?” He asked.

“Bryan wants you to move away from him, that way he has access to see the open spots in your armor, but if you go into him, he can’t see the weak points.” As she spoke she wiped the damp cloth over the wound.

“Thank you. I will keep that in mind for next time.”

The silence stretched between them. Nikki was focused on the task, rubbing the salve over the wound.

“I am sure it doesn’t look too bad. Did bleed a lot though.” He said, offering a smile.

“Probably hurts too.” She said.

“Maybe a little.”

“Do you really think that I’m not human?” The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it.

“You heard Bryan and I talking?” He asked. When she didn’t answer he continued, “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have heard that.”

“But I did.” She pressed the bandage to the wound, using the sticky glue she had created to keep the cloth in place.

“I have not had good experiences being a Templar. Those experiences have colored my opinion of mages.” He explained.

“Of me.” She whispered. “You’re done. I wouldn’t spar for at least a day or two. The bandage should fall off in about two days. Don’t pick at the scab or it will scar.” Taking his shirt from his fingers she pulled it down over the wound. Cullen’s hand reached for hers, gripping her fingers. His hand was so much larger than hers. Warm and inviting.

“I’m sorry. I don’t believe you are like the others, but as a Templar it is my duty to be wary of mages. It is nothing personal.”

Nikki slipped her fingers through his hand. “But I am a mage, it is always personal. You need not concern yourself with me Ser. I am just a mage. What feelings could I have? I’m barely even human.”

“Nikki-”

“Good evening Ser Cullen.” She turned her back and dismissed him. She could hear the breath he had been holding escape past his lips. His exit marked by the closing of the door.

 


	4. Choose

She had avoided him  successfully  for 3 weeks. It started by her sending his sleeping potions via another mage. In fact, she had stopped visiting the templars’ quarters all together and ate her meals alone instead of with her brother. Interaction with all the Templars had felt strained. If one felt this way, they might all feel the same, Bryan included.

Nikki didn’t know why this one hurt her so bad. She had heard of templars that were not so kind to mages, and she knew of some that took their anger out on them. But to hear him say she, that mages, were  barely  human anymore. It broke her heart.

The clinic had been closed down for the night and she knew her bed would  be waiting , but the library called out to her. She had been hiding in the library most evenings to read and reread her favorite book.

It was a story about a knight and his princess. Sword fights, magic, and a little kissing. Okay, there was a lot of kissing, and more. Nikki wasn’t shy, she had seen both men and women naked, but it was always clinical. She knew how bodies work, and she knew what sex was, but not first hand.

She had bought the book about 6 months ago when she was in town working in the clinic, using the small amount of money she had. Given to her by an elderly patient who said it was hers, not the chantry’s. Nikki tried to give it back, but the woman refused. Circle mages had no use for money, everything was provided for them, food, shelter, and the robes they wore.

So as she walked to the inn with her brother, the small book shop caught her attention. Begging him if she could go in, just to look. He agreed, giving her 5 minutes. She ran in, excited for the first time, she could buy something that belonged to her.

The book had a dark red color, with gold etchings, and the beautiful script that danced over the cover. It mesmerized her. It didn’t matter what the book was about; she bought it and hid it in her robes so her brother didn’t ask about it and waited until he fell asleep to read.

The circle library smelled like dust and ink, the scent hitting her as she entered. There were a few templars scattered around the room, she didn’t  see Ser Cullen, or Bryan anywhere. Picking up her pace she claimed the spot by the window where she could look out and see a  little  freedom. It was this corner she read her non-circle approved book in peace.

Settling into the cushions she pulled the book from her robes, she would start at the beginning. Beginnings were her favorite.

“Shift change is happening soon Lady Trevelyan. Will you be okay by yourself for a few minutes?” It was Ser Keven. He was always checking on her. An older Templar, he was one of 4 that appeared at her parents’ home to take her away when she was 5.

“Of course.” She said.

“All right men, time for some dinner. Let’s leave the lady to study.”

‘Yeah’ she thought, 'studying. Maker help me. ’

The room fell into a comfortable silence as she fell into the rhythm of the book. The princess, trapped in the castle, wanting a way out. Trapped. A feeling she understood more than anything.

“That doesn’t look like a circle book.” Nikki gasped, slamming the book shut and holding it to her chest. Grey eyes meeting amber pools. They stared at each other for a moment. Both waiting for the other to speak. “I’ll be honest I have  never had anyone go out of their way to avoid me before.” Cullen said, breaking the silence.

“You would think it would be more common.” She whispered, pulling herself from her seat. “If you excuse me, I should return to my room.” Trying to walk around him, Cullen grabbed her upper arm. Her breath hitched in her throat. His grip was soft, his leather-covered hand holding her in place.

“I don’t know why but it bothers me  that  you are avoiding me.” He said.

“Sounds like you should figure that out Ser.” She said, meeting his eyes again.

“I am sorry my words hurt you.”

“Do you even know why it hurt me?” She asked. He shook his head. “The Templars are all I have here. I have lived in this circle since I was 5. My family locked me away on my birthday because I made it snow in my room. I waited for hours until four Templars came to the house to bring me here. They  were kind .  I was a terrified child. ” She explained, her throat tight with emotions. “I was t oo young, the youngest here. The older mages and Templars agreed that I couldn’t be in the mage population here. They kept me with the Templars and had one enchanter come to teach me. Templars taught me how to write and how to read. After my harrowing they moved me to the mages’ quarters. I was treated like an outsider. Not only did I come from nobility, but the Templars treated well me. Do you think I have friends here?”

Cullen loosened his hold on her arm, “I haven’t seen you with any of the other mages, truth be told.”

“They don’t like me. I am kind to them, but all they see is the mage child that the Templars protect. So no, I have no friends. If you, a Templar, feel that way  towards what I am, then what does that mean for the others, my brother?”

“ For what it is worth. I think every Templar here respects you. They all speak  highly  of you, and I should have shown you more respect. You have earned that. You have  shown a compassion towards me. More than I deserve.” he said. She watched him, wary of his words. Wanting to believe them. “Tell me what your book is about.”

“You will not take it away?” She asked, sitting back down into the cushions, his hand still holding her arm.

Giving her arm a gentle squeeze he smiled, “No, I won’t.” letting go he leaned against the bookshelf.

“It’s a story about a princess who escaped from the castle. She meets a knight who  was hired by her father to return her to him. When she realizes that he is leading her back home, she runs from him. He runs after her.” Nikki explained. “During the whole adventure they,” she stopped to make eye contact with him, “they fall in love. He has to decide, either return here to the castle or run away with her.”

“What does he choose?” He asked.

“What would you choose?” Her voice was soft as she spoke.

Cullen cocked his head to the side, his lips pursed as he thought the question over. “If I was the night in the story, to choose love over duty or duty over love. I would take her back. She would deserve better than I.”

“I  had a feeling you would say that.” She said, a smile spread across her face. “ After all, you are a Templar. You must return  what is lost .”

“What does he choose?”

“Read it and find out.” she held the book out to him.

“You may not get that book taken away from you, but I am sure it would be taken away from me. You keep it.”

“I bet, you will read it one day, and then you can answer me again.” Nikki said grinning at him.

“If my answer will change.”

“Depends on if you fall in love with me or not.” She said. Cullen’s face dropped, mouth hung open, but only met with silence. Standing from her spot she put the book back into her robes. “That was a joke Ser Cullen.”

“Oh, yes. I knew that.” He whispered. Nikki walked over to another bookshelf, picking up a large brown book and taking it back to her seat.

“I would like to read to you. If that is okay.” She said. “Sometimes when my brother is here late at night, I come in and read to him. He says it helps pass the time. If  that is  okay with you?”

Cullen smiled, it felt warm to her. She relaxed back into the cushions and pulled open the book.

“Anything to pass the time, my lady.” He said, nodding his head. When she read to him about healing herbs and their many uses he had to stifle the laughter that threatened to escape his throat. He could see the small smirk painted on her face as she read.

 


	5. Tonight

“You need to stop.” He said, his voice was stern, throat-tight and commanding.

“Stop what?” Nikki asked. She picked up the white cotton shift, gently folding it and putting it into her pack. “I can’t stop packing. We have to leave soon.”

Bryan leaned into the entrance of her small room. “Not packing. Spending time with Ser Cullen.”

The shirt in her hand dropped to her bed, “We don’t spend a lot of time together.”

“Yes you do. Do you even know why he had to leave Ferelden Circle?” He asked.

“Do you?” She answered back, shoving another article of clothing into her pack. Making her way to the modest dresser, pulling open a drawer she gathered the rags she had been collecting. In her previous trips to the village she always ran out of cloth to clean with. This time should would take bring her own and hopefully not have to do much laundry. “I know you want to protect me, but I think I know what lines can’t be crossed.”  
Raising his eyebrow her brother answered, “So you don’t deny that you have been flirting with him?”

“I don’t even know what flirting is.” She scoffed. Bryan laughed.

“It’s that awkward fluttering thing you do with your eyelashes.”

“My eyelashes do not flutter!” She said. How indigent of her brother to even suggest that she would do such a thing. “If you aren’t careful with these jokes and the wrong person hears I could be.made tranquil and Ser Cullen could be relieved of duty.”

“Then maybe you should quit flirting with him.” He hissed. Once her bag was filled, she picked it up to feel the weight of it. 

“I hope you are telling him the same thing you are telling me.”

“I did,” he spoke, grabbing the bag from her. “he denied speaking to you beyond what is required of him.” She believed that. Even after his apology in the library and his permission to read to him, he still kept his distance from her. They spoke when she delivered potions to the Templars, and had small chats during sparring practice, but nothing at great length, nothing that could be considered  
flirting.

“Then you have your answer. Now, let’s go. I have a busy day ahead.” She smiled. Bryan had thought she has their mother’s smile, but as he got to watch her more, he learned that she had a smile all her own. More of a smirk, one that told all you saw her that she knew more than she let on. You knew when she really smiled because her nose would scrunch up and faint laugh lines would appear on the outside corners of her eyes.

“Alright. Before we go the Knight-Commander request that we stop by his office. I doubt it will be anything of interest, but we shouldn’t keep him waiting.” He said, motioning to the hallway with his head.

“Lead the way.” She playfully shoved him out of her room.

Waiting outside the office was the Knight-Captain. He watched their approach before speaking, “Lady Nikki please wait out here. We will only be a moment.”

“Of course Knight-Captain.” She whispered, giving a quick nod before stopping outside the door.

Bryan was led into the office, the door clicking behind him. It didn’t take long until raised voices were heard through the heavy doors.

“Why does it have to be her? He has never traveled with her, so why now?” she could hear Bryan’s voice. He sounded upset. Her throat tightened and her heartbeat raced.

“It is important that Ser Cullen be allowed to travel with a mage. After what happened in Ferelden-” the Knight-Commander explained.

“That is why it should be someone else.” He barked.

“The decision is final Ser Bryan. He will meet her at the front gate.” The Knight-Commander’s voice was stern. He signaled the finality of the conversation. “I know you want to protect her, but you know you will not always be at this circle. Knight-Commander Meredith in Kirkwall is looking for more Templars for the Gallows. Both yours and Ser Cullen’s names have been submitted.”

Silence. She imagined her brother weighing his response carefully. He could turn it down right now and risk never seeing a promotion or being sent someone else, other than Kirkwall. He could respectfully accept the knowledge that his time in Ostwick was coming to a close; therefore the time he had left to be with his sister was ending.

“Thank you Ser. I look forward to hearing from her on her decision.” the door opened, Bryan slipped out and closed it behind him. “Please tell me you heard none of that.” His voice clearly pained.

“Not a word.” Nikki offered a smile, taking her pack from him she slung it over her shoulder. “I will see you in a few days.” Placing a quick kiss to his cheek she left her brother standing alone in the middle of the hall.

* * *

There he was, his own pack over his shoulder. He looked red faced, tired, and overall nervous. Traveling with a mage, even one he had started to be friendly too must have caused him this anxiety.

“I hear that you are my chaperone this week, Ser Cullen.” She greeted him, bowing her head.

“Yes. The Knight-Commander asked if I had been to the village and I said I had not. So here I am.” He explained.

“He sent you on a field trip did he?” Nikki laughed. “Well, it’s very simple. The village has a healer, but they are not a mage or a midwife. We received a message that a woman in town who is due to give birth soon. While I wait to see if she gives birth this week I will be assisting the other healer.” She explained, “though babies rarely enter  the world on demand. You will see that I only use magic if needed. Mostly to set bones and heal large wounds. The more serious kind. You are not required to stay with me the whole time. There is a tavern with what I understand are lovely ladies if you prefer to spend your time doing so.”

Cullen didn’t even hide his blush, “I am not interested in that.”

“They also have lovely men as well.” She said.

“That’s not what I meant.” Cullen retorted. “Maker’s breath. Let’s go.” He gently placed his gloved hand on her back, driving her towards the road. “How long is this walk?”

“We will be there by noon. If you wish there is a small chantry that holds a prayer around that time. I will need to check in with the healer once we arrive.”

They walked in silence, her steps taking her ahead of Cullen by a few paces. She stopped every so often to cut a rogue herb.

“No wonder it takes all morning to get there. We would be there by now if you didn’t pluck every elfroot we came across.” Cullen muttered.

“This is true, but I like to think I am helping by bringing my own herbs with me. That way I am not taking from their stores if I need to make a potion.” She smiled as she explained. Plucking the dried leaves from the stem as they walked.

“You are very considerate of others Lady Trevelyan. It is uncommon that you find that today.”

“Product of the Templars that raised me. They taught me to be kind, but they also taught me to stand up for myself. To not get pushed around. Ser Keven used to say that he wasn’t raising a doormat.” She laughed.

“I’m surprised that they did so much with a mage so young.” He said.

“Yes, normally children that young are made tranquil. I am one of the lucky ones. I showed enough promise that I was allowed to keep my connection to the fade. Others are not so lucky.”

Silence marked their travel again. Occasionally she would glance back at Cullen. He watched her carefully, studying her grey eyes as the flickered over his face, how she pressed her apple colored lips into a thin line. Words she couldn’t say on the tip of her tongue. She casted her gaze downwards and continued to lead them. He noticed she passed by the herbs.

* * *

When Nikki entered the clinic she went to work triaging the current patients. Two children looked as if they had gotten into a fight, bruises glowing under their right eyes. She sent them away but not before making them apologize to each other. Their bruises would go away in a weeks time.

An elderly lady told her if the aches in her legs. Off Nikki went to and all cupboard at the back of the room. She returned with an ointment explaining to rub it into her calves twice day. This continued for hours before a young lady nearing the end of pregnancy entered the clinic.

“Come to the back, and let’s get you checked out.” She said reaching out for the woman’s hand. “Shouldn’t take but a moment.” catching Cullen’s gaze she smiled, closing the door behind her and waddling woman. When they returned she was explaining how to track the contractions. “Should they get to be more than 5 minutes apart then come here. If I am not here have the attendant find me at the inn. It won’t be much longer now.”

“Thank you Lady Trevelyan. For all your help.” The woman smiled grasping Nikki’s fingers in her hands. “I hope to see you again soon.”

Nikki made her way over the Cullen, “That is it for today. We should get to the inn, it will be late soon.” He nodded and opened the front door for her.

They made their way through the busy streets, as they walked an older man stopped them, handing her a basket of bread, “for you and your Templar’s breakfast.” The whisker’s over his mouth rustled as he spoke. “Honey from the orchard is also inside.”

“My favorite. Thank you sir.” She said, lifting a loaf to her nose, inhaling deeply. “Should be delicious.”

“Yes, just don’t let your brother eat it all this time.” He laughed then turned to Cullen, “Oh, you are not Ser Bryan.”

“Ser Cullen.” He said, bowing his head.

“Welcome to our small town and thank you for bringing my favorite mage back to us. We miss her when she isn’t here.”

“You just miss someone to banter with.” Nikki snorted.

“And no one banters like you.” He joked. “Have a goodnight. I made sure your dinner was prepared. They are waiting in your room.” 

“He is right, let’s get to our room. I’m starving.” Nikki almost moaned, her stomach growled. They entered the inn, stopping briefly to retrieve the key to their room.

The room felt small, two beds pushed to opposite ends of the room. The bath and chamber pot were in the far corner. A privacy screen folded and leaned against the wall. Food steamed from the table between the beds.

“This is…cozy.” Cullen said.

“Luckily we don’t spend much time here. Only to sleep and get clean.” Placing her pack on the end of the bed, she grabbed a plate of fruit and cheeses. “I eat better here than in the circle it feels like.” they ate in silence. Fatigue was a strong mistress and soon after eating the last grapes Nikki had fallen asleep atop the covers, her head nestled in the crook of her arm.

Cullen grabbed the privacy screen, placed it between the two of them. Removing his armor, his deft fingers ran over the scars that were scattered over his chest, willing his aches to go away. From his pack he grabbed a bottle of the sleeping draft he had brought, drinking it down quickly, hoping for a quiet rest that night.

He didn’t get it. The nightmares came one after the other, his body was warm, and he could feel the sweat dripping from his face.

“Go away.” Her groaned at the demons as they taunted him.

“Shhhh.” He heard a whisper. “I’m here. Just listen to my voice. I’ll lead you back.” The voice was so far away, but felt so close to him. He felt a coolness with her voice. As she spoke, he felt the nightmare fade away. Only the coolness and her song to guide him.

He awoke to quiet. No pounding heart in his chest, no heavy breathing. Lifting himself from.the bed he saw a basin filled with water and a rag leaning over the side next to the bed.

“Are you awake Ser Cullen?” Nikki asked from.the other side of the screen. She didn’t wait for his answer. “The innkeeper came knocking earlier, the pregnant woman came to the clinic this morning. Her contractions are about 5 minutes apart. I need to get to the clinic. Please meet me there when you can.” she spoke the last sentence with a foot outside the door.

When Cullen arrived at the clinic, he could hear screaming from the backroom. He knew Nikki was in for a long day. Over the course of the day he saw her a few times. Once to run out to get a few additional supplies, once to eat something, and finally to get the other healer.

About an hour later, and a guttural scream Cullen heard the sounds of a baby crying. Nikki walked out of the room, a tired smile on her face. “It’s a girl.” Cullen returned her smile.

That night Nikki was asleep again right after eating. She knew she would have to be up early to go check on mother and baby, but both were happy when she left them in the evening. The woman’s husband had come to be with his wife after working in the field, thanking Nikki for her time with a basket of food.

Tonight, Cullen didn’t put up the privacy screen, instead he watched her while she slept, hoping it would bring him some peace to watch her. A peace he hadn’t felt in so long, but he felt like he could almost taste it. But he didn’t deserve that feeling, no matter how much he yearned for it. Especially from a mage.

As he slept he heard that soft voice calling to him. Calling him back to her.

“No, leave me.” He said.

“Cullen, please come to me.” She called. That’s when he felt it, the cooling touch on his cheek. There was a heat to it. “I need you.” She whispered.

His eyes snapped open, amber meeting grey. Grabbing a hold of the body next to him, he slammed her onto her back, casting a silence. “What are you doing?” He hissed.

“I’m sorry!” she choked out. “I didn’t mean to startle you! I was just trying to bring your body temperature down.” Another silence racked her body. “You don’t seem to have nightmares when your temperature is cooler. Please, I’m sorry Cullen. Please. I was only trying to help.”

He watched her, she wasn’t fighting back, she laid still under him, her body held captive between his linen clothed legs. “I don’t know who hurt you, but I won’t do that.”

Tentatively she lifted her hand, rubbing it over his forearm.

“Please Cullen. Trust me. Come back to me.” She whispered. It was then he realized it was her voice that had been calling him back from his nightmares at night. He felt his grip on her slacken, his eyes softened.

“Maker’s breath. I-I’m sorry. I thought-” he said.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to explain.” She smiled at him.

“Don’t I owe you that much for trying to keep my demons at bay?”

“You will never owe me anything.”

They watched each other, neither moving from their spots. Cullen gently moved her to rest of her side, his hand not letting go of her. She followed his lead, but froze when she felt his body lean into hers. He was broad and strudy compared to her soft petite one. His fingers weaved between hers, giving a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sorry I silenced you. If I had realized it was you. I wouldn’t have done it.” He said.

“You act as if I have never had a Templar use their abilities on me.” She whispered. Her body still tense, even unwilling to breathe.

“Have you never been held before?” He asked, his breath tickling the back of her next neck.

“No.” She felt her voice was hoarse.

“If you want to go back to your bed, you can.” He loosened his grip on her hand only to have her clench her fingers around his.

“I know this is wrong, that I shouldn’t want too, but just for tonight. I want to stay.” she leaned her head back, trying to catch his eyes with hers.

“Then tonight, we stay.” Holding her back flushed against his chest, he pushed aside the knowledge that she was a mage and he was a Templar. Tonight he was just a broken man and she was the woman that was trying to save him.


	6. Not Again

Warmth flooded the room, light burrowing over his eyes willing them to open. Three days had gone by quickly and the nights even faster. When they returned from the clinic they would eat and then Nikki would curl up in the crook of his arm, sharing stories until one or both would fall asleep. It had been their last night in that tiny room when Cullen had wanted to kiss her. He hadn’t kissed anyone in so long, but the way she smiled and chided him made the waters of desire rise in his heart. But he knew better. This was a dream. It wasn’t real. Today they would travel back to the circle and go separate ways. He was certain they would run into each other again, but he was the Templar. He knew better.

He glanced at the sleeping woman next to him, her small fingers clung to his shirt. Her auburn hair pillowed around her face as she rested on his chest. Waking her felt like a sin to the maker, but it was time. They had to talk before they went back.

“Lady Trevelyan. It’s time to get up.” He whispered.

“Do we have too?” She muttered, giving a low groan as Cullen slide her to the bed.

“Yes. We don’t want anyone from the circle to come looking for us.” He said. Rolling herself from the bed she made her way to her pack to procure a clean robe. They dressed quickly, catching quick glances from each other.

“We should talk before we had back.” Cullen said. “I don’t want their to be any confusion about what happened here.”

“You mean two people sleeping next to each other? Seems pretty self-explanatory to me.” She said. Her heart clenched, knowing this was not what he meant.

“There are rules against fraternization between mages and templars. We broke that here.” He explained.

“I wouldn’t call sleeping next to each other fraternization. It seemed to help your nightmares did it not?”

“That’s not the point. The order will not look at it this way-”

“And you’ll tell them?” She interrupted.

“No. What happened between us has to stay here. It can’t be allowed to continue.” Cullen said.

Nikki watched his face, more stern then she had seen it in months. “Would it matter if I wasn’t a mage? What if I was a fellow Templar. Would you be saying these things to me?”

“You know it’s because you’re a mage.” There, he said it. “I apologize if you mistook this as me having feelings for you. I can’t have feelings for you. If you were to become possessed I would have to do what is necessary to protect those I care about.”

“I thought it was a lie that the other mages spoke of. Of templars that used our more naive feels against us. To only get what they want. I guess I learned that lesson today. If there is nothing more to discuss Ser,” Nikki said. “If you are ready then we should go.” With her eyes casted to the floor she took her bag and exited the room.

* * *

The weeks passed and Cullen was thankful that every time he ran into Nikki, she had left the room. As time went on he suspected that she had learned the guard rotation schedule in an attempt to avoid him. The thought stung but he understood. His words had been harsh, but they had to be the truth. At least to him this was the way it had to be.

Her brother spoke little about her, only to address a concern with another mage that was unsatisfied with the medical attention she had given her. He complained about the childish behavior one night while they played chess. He asked Cullen if his sister said anything to him.

“Can’t say that she has. She’s been very quiet lately.” He had answered. According to Bryan she had thrown herself into study again. Studying a new healing technique no doubt. When she gets focused she doesn’t pay much attention to the world around her.

The next month Bryan went with her to town after he had heard that she had requested her brother to accompany her. The Knight-Commander asked with Cullen in the room if he had done something to make her uncomfortable.

“No,” she had said, offering a small smile towards him. “The villagers wanted to see him again. That’s all.” He could see the like, but the Knight-Commander could not. He had laughed and commented about how they will miss Bryan more if he were to ever leave Ostwick Circle. She had laughed and dismissed herself, not sparring Cullen a glance.

* * *

“You should be proud of yourself.” She said. Bryan and herself had been back no longer than a week when he received the news. Himself and Cullen were being transferred to Kirkwall. Cullen was receiving the title of Knight-Captain.

“Yes very proud and very concerned about leaving you.” Bryan hissed.

“We knew it would happen one day. We should be thankful that we had so much time.” Nikki said, a sad smile pulled at her lips.

“I became a Templar to protect you the best I could. You were so young when you were taken away. I was so angry. Mom shoving you into the closet until the Templars arrived. She refused to let me bring you food or anything to drink. When they took you away and told them I was going to be a templar. They didn’t believe him until I gathered my bag and left for training a few years later.” he laughed at the memory. “They were so angry. They lost their daughter and now their son. Both to the circle.”

“You sound like you pity them.” She said.

“Maybe. A little.” He sighed. “They don’t deserve it after what happened with you. How easily they just threw you away. But they’re our parents.”

“I used to be angry,” Nikki confessed. “But now I don’t see the point. Why stay mad at two people I don’t even know. I don’t even remember what they look like.” Rising from her bed she pulled a book from the small bookcase she kept in her room. “I want you to have this.” She opened the book, pulling a pocket from the hollowed out pages.

“What is it?” He asked reaching for the necklace.

“It’s kind of like a phylactery. If you use it like one it will glow to tell you I am alive or near. I haven’t actually tried it.” A mischievous smile turned her lips. “If anything happens I want you to know how to find me, or know that I am alive.”

Bryan placed the locket in the interior pocket of his armor, “I will never let it go.” he smiled. “Will you be there tomorrow? To see myself and Ser Cullen off?”

The sound of his name and her heart clenched in her chest, “Of course. I will even see if I can make you both something to eat for the road. Along with some supplies.”

“Then I should leave to finish packing what little I own. I will see you tomorrow.” He walked out of her room, for the last time.

As the night went on Nikki made her way to the clinic, quickly putting together some travel kits for Bryan and Cullen. She slipped some extra sleeping potions into Cullen’s. She hadn’t any experience with Kirkwall’s healer or if they even had one. It wouldn’t hurt for him to have some while he got himself established there. Though she wondered why she cared so much. He made it clear that a few nights sleeping next to another person meant nothing to him.

She didn’t want to admit that it was the first time she had felt warm. He didn’t smile often but when he let his guard down around her, everything was just white noise save for his smile. His eyes were kind, despite what he claimed. He shouldn’t mean anything to her, but she found that he meant more than she should admit.

“How did this happen?” Nikki whispered to the empty room. No one replied.

Closing the packs she left them on the counter close to the door so she could easily grab them in the morning.

As she made her way back to her room she caught the outline of someone outside her room.

“I am not going to be leaving my room tonight Ser. I doubt I will fit in my brother’s bag.” She scoffed.

“I bet you would try though.” It was Cullen.

“Ser Cullen, is this a personal call? You’re not in uniform.”

“I thought we could talk before I leave tomorrow.” He answered, rubbing the back of his neck, careful to avoid her eyes. Nikki nodded, gesturing towards the door.

Once inside she closed the door. It was the first time they had been alone in over a month and the first since then to really get a look at him. He had developed dark circles under his eyes and they appeared to be sunken into their sockets.

“Cullen!” His appearance causing her anxiety. “Are you alright? Have you been sleeping?” Taking his arm she pulled him to her bed, sitting him down so she could get a better look at him.

“I haven’t been sleeping very well. The nightmares have been worse lately. Probably from the stress of traveling to Kirkwall.” He tried to explain

“I don’t think stress over travelling would do this.” Reaching her hand out she ran her thumb over his cheek. Cullen slid his hand over hers.

“No, I suppose not. Maybe partially.” He sighed, letting the air out of his lungs.

“Well, I can give you a sleeping potion. That should help if I make it stronger.” She was trying to ignore the feeling of his hand on hers.

“When I was sleeping next to you, that was the best sleep I got in almost a year.” He whispered.

“Truly?” She asked, not sure if she believed him. “You said you don’t have feelings for me.”

“I also said that I can’t, have feelings for you. It was more directed at myself, but I won’t take back what I said,” Cullen started, “But if you weren’t a mage, and I wasn’t a templar. If this was a different lifetime-” he hesitated.

“But I am a mage and you are a templar.” she didn’t need him to tell her anything. “I don’t need to know what I could be missing.”

“I am going to spend the rest of my life missing you.” He whispered.

“Me too.” she said. His fingers squeezed hers. “This can’t be the reason why you haven’t been sleeping?”

“Some nights are better than others.” He answered. “Sleeping potions only help so much.”

“Maybe you just need someone to talk too.” Pulling at his hand she lead him to the head of her bed. He leaned back against the headboard, it gave a little creak as he shifted his weight. Nikki moved to the other side, climbing in next to him, she put her head on his shoulder.

“You don’t do this for any of your other patients.” Cullen asked.

“Cuddle with them? All the time.” She snorted, “In fact I am going to add this to my regular triage routine. How well does patient react to snuggles?” Cullen gently jabbed her side. “I’m serious! Starting tomorrow.” He jabbed her again. Her giggle escaped from her lips.

“There it is.” He smiled. “I will take your laugh with me to Kirkwall. Along with your smartassness.”

“You will find someone to fill that void. That I’m sure. But just in case, I could also try to fit in your bag.”

“You would be safer here.” He said, pushing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. “I want you to be safe.” the tips of his fingers grazed the underside of her chin. “If I am not asking too much, but could I take something else with me?” She nodded. “Your kiss?”

“Please.” She whispered. She had only read of kisses, never have received one before. Eyes closed, and her face tilted upwards to him, his lips met hers. Soft and gentle they pressed together, he could taste her tremble, and he felt the soft moan that escaped her lips. It was a kiss that had been denied to them, forbidden, against all rules, and now it was free.

Cullen pulled away from her slowly, catching his breath. They stared at each other, searching their eyes for something to tell them what to do next. Nikki tilted her head towards him, inviting him again to take her kisses.

He did.


	7. Our Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW, it's a little smutty.

He had her on her back. Though he shouldn’t have put her there, it made him want her more. All he had wanted was to kiss her, to take that memory with him, but the way she moaned just from his lips made him wonder what other things he could do to make her moan.

She didn’t fight him when he had rolled over on top of her. In fact, she welcomed him, her arms wrapped around his neck, tugging slightly onto his curls that grew there.

They knew they needed to stop. This was crossing the line. He was a templar, and she a mage. He was to be Knight-Captain of the Gallows in a few days time. What would his new Knight-Commander think of him with a mage under him like this? Swallowing her moans as he grounded his hardened length against her center. He didn’t know when her robes had been pulled up, but now they pooled around her waist.

“Please.” She whispered into his mouth.

“Please what?” He asked pulling away from her. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Never.” Nikki answered him tipping her head up to his. “Touch me.”

He ran his hand over her bare thigh, trailing upwards towards her smalls. “Who has touched you before?” He groaned as he felt the dampness that was starting to collect through the cloth.

“No one. Me. No one else.” She moaned as she spoke. Biting down on her bottom lip to stifle the wanting cry.

Cullen’s fingers traced over her smalls, pressing lightly onto the swollen nub. She bucked into his hand. He circled it again hearing her small cries.

“You need to be quiet. If someone hears us…” he dragged her smalls down as he spoke. Nikki kicked then off when they down near her feet.

“Not a word.” She smirked at him. “I haven’t done anything like this before.” Cullen kissed her again, his tongue begging of entrance to her mouth. His fingers spread her lower lips as he soaked his fingers with her wetness. The sound it made caused him to groan. “That means you too.” She snickered breaking the kiss.

He smirked, sliding his index finger into her. Nikki’s head dropped back and she sighed at the feeling. Feeling her entrance with his middle finger he stroked her before finding its way into her. Silk and warmth is what came to Cullen’s mind as he felt inside her. The sounds she made, the mewling urged him forth. All he wanted was the feel her heat around his cock. To feel her come around him and to know what it felt like to come inside her. But they couldn’t go that far. What if she got pregnant? Who would help her deliver? What would her brother say when he found out? Maker, the child would be taken away from her. He couldn’t bear it.

“Cullen.” Nikki whined, grinding her hips into his fingers. “Move, please.” He hadn’t realized he had stopped his movements.

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” He asked.

“You ask that now with your fingers inside me and I feel so wound up that I may cry?” She said, her fingers gripped his muscular shoulders until her knuckles turned white. Ever so slowly he slid his fingers out if her, hooking the upwards as he pushed them back in.

“Look at me.” He breathed. Meeting his gaze, Nikki moaned as he continued to fill her with his fingers, his thumb drawing tight circles over her clit. “That’s it. Focus on me.” He felt her walls start to to tighten around his fingers, her breath escaping faster.

“Cullen, I-” she spoke as she tried to gasp for air. He pressed his lips to hers, drinking in her moan as her orgasm hit her. Clenching And throbbing around his fingers she rocked into him to prolong her euphoria.

Removing his fingers he brought them to his mouth, taking them into his mouth, he tasted her flavor. Nikki watched him as he cleaned his fingers of her.

Cullen opened his mouth to speak, but found the wind being knocked out of him by the force of being slammed into the bed. She had managed to roll them over, her naked lower half resting on the stiff length in his trousers. The pressure her body placed there caused a groan to leave his throat.

“Feels like someone needs to be released.” She giggled moving down his legs a little, tugging at the ties.

“You don’t have too.” he reached for her.

“I want too.” She smiled tugged his pants from his hips. “You have to tell me if I doing something you don’t like. I’ve never done this either.”

Ready to ask her what she meant but his words vanished the moment her hands pulled his cock out from his smalls. He didn’t care what she did, as long as she kept touching him. Watching her as she rubbed and stroked him, feeling her thumb over the sensitive head. That’s when she did it. He never had a woman take him into her mouth before but here she was with his hard cock in her mouth, running her tongue along his shaft.

“Nikki…” he moaned her name. He wouldn’t last like this. Feeling her come around his fingers nearly sent him over the edge. Sinking her mouth lower over him, stopping as she felt him hit the back of her throat.

Having heard from another mage that men loved this activity she never thought she would actually try it. With Cullen she felt safe enough to try.

Bobbing her head along his thick and hearty length, she chanced a glance at him. His mouth hung open, trying to desperately contain his moans as she worked him.

“I’m going to come.” He groaned, his fingertips running over the top of her head. She moaned, the vibrations from her vocal cords sending him over the edge.

His orgasms taking hold, his hips thrusting up into her mouth as his hot cum spilled down her throat.

“Oh!” She moaned. Surprised at the feeling and the taste. Removing him from her mouth she swallowed his release down. “Does that mean he likes me?” She asked, giggling as she put his trousers back together.

“Very much so.” Cullen breathed. Reaching out for her she crawled up him and laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

They laid like this for what felt like hours when Cullen groaned, “I need to go back. It wouldn’t be right for me to stay here.” She nodded in agreement, lifting her head, releasing him from her bed. “I won’t forget this night, or you.”

“Someone will make you forget.” Nikki said, “And they won’t be a mage and you can be with them forever. You won’t have to return them to the castle.”

It occurred to him that she was referencing the book she has been reading.

“Suppose you might be right. One day. Until then I will miss you.”

“No more than I.” Standing from her spot she walked over to him, placing a soft kiss to his lips, the pad of her thumb running over his chin. “Goodbye, Ser Cullen Rutherford.”

“Goodbye, Lady Trevelyan.”


	8. Always

They waited by the gate until the sight of wavy auburn hair bounding towards them caught their attention. Her petite hands clasped two small baskets. Big enough to carry some food and maybe some potions for their journey ahead.

“Sorry. I had to barter with the kitchen staff for some food. But I have the finest bread, cheese and honey that this circle has to offer.” She spoke breathlessly holding the baskets out for the two templars.

“What did you barter with?” Cullen asked grasping the basket out stretched to him. There was a hardy weight to it.

“Hopefully nothing too important.” Bryan muttered.

“Dish duty.” She offered a smile. “Worth it to see you two off on your next adventure.” Outstretched arms and she encompassed her brother in a tight hug. The small whisker's that grew on his chin scrapped over her hair.

“I will see you again, Nik. I always will find my way back to you.” He spoke softly into her hair, placing a gossamer kiss to her forehead.

“Promises, promises.” She giggled. “I will write to you. Try to write back if you can.”

“Always.”

Nikki released her brother, catching Cullen’s eyes. Memories of the previous night played back in his mind. The way her body moved with this hand, her soft red lips that begging him to kiss her, and her piercing grey eyes that watched him as she brought him pleasure. The memory reddened his cheeks. It would have never been enough, but it had gone too far. It should have never happened. Everything he has seen in his short life makes him see the truth of it all. He’ll never see her again. Regret. Guilt. They settle in his stomach, twisting and taking root there.

“You take care of my brother Ser Cullen. He can be a handful, but his heart is always in the right place.” Her voice bringing him back to the now. “Go easy on him during chess. I think you winning all the time has brought his self-esteem down.”

“Traitor.” Bryan said with a grin across his face.

“I will do my best Lady Trevelyan.” Cullen said, “If only he could learn to play better.”

“Hey! Not you too.” He cried, playfully shoving at his friend. “As much as I hate to admit it, we need to get going.”

Before anyone could speak, Nikki wrapped her arms around Cullen's neck, bringing him closer to her. His arms found their place around her waist, squeezing her tightly.

“Goodbye Cullen.” She whispered into his ear. “Mon coeur va avec toi.”

It was Orelaisan, that much he was certain, but what it meant, he wasn't sure.

“Stay safe. Both of you.” Removing her arms from him, gently shoving him away. A sad smile played on her lips. His gloved fingers brushed over her palm.

“You too. Don't do anything foolish while I’m gone.” Bryan chastised. One last smile they shared before turning from his sister and Ostwick Circle.

~*~

That night they rested in the chantry of a small fishing village. It would take them over a week to reach Kirkwall by foot. However, the chantry sisters had spoken to man in town that could give them use of some horses. The other option, was to go by boat, but this was quickly turned down by Cullen. He explained that on his way over to Ostwick he had been overcome by seasickness and did not wish to revisit anytime soon.

After their horses had been chosen they made their way to the chantry. Two small beds were set up in one of the back rooms.

“Makes you wish you were a bit shorter.” Bryan groaned.

“I’m sure one night won't kill us.” Cullen reasoned, taking a seat on the firm mattress.

“But a night sleeping on a hard bed and then a full day riding a horse might.” A chuckle escaped his lips. Cullen nodded in agreement. Reaching into the bag that Nikki had packed for him, he pulled out a vial of the sleeping potion. The soft candle light in the room reflected off something red at the bottom. Carefully he pulled out a red leather bound book.

“What's that?” Bryan asked. “And don't say a book. I’m not blind.”

Cullen regarded the book, turning it slowly in his hands, “It is a book. Your sister asked me to read it and I told her I couldn't.”

“Guess she left you no choice.” He mused. “She said something to you before we left. What was it?”

“Mon coeur va avec toi.” he whispered. “I don't know what it means.” Silence stretched between them.

“She always had interesting choice of words.” Leaning back into the overstuffed pillow, Bryan hooked his arms behind his head.

“Why?” Cullen turned to him only to find the man softly breathing, his eye closed and asleep to the world. “Of course you'd fall asleep. Are all Trevelyan’s this infuriating?” He muttered pulling open the book, sending a folded piece of paper into his lap. Dropping the book next to him, Cullen snatched the paper from his leg, gently unfolding it.

_Dear Cullen,_

_I didn't want you to leave without saying something, but I know you wouldn't want to hear them. At least from me...probably from me most of all._

_I have marked my days in the circle by the number of patients I see. The number of potions I make. How many newcomers come to the circle. The days ran together and everyday was the same._

_Until you came to Ostwick. The rumors of what happened to you in Ferelden made many afraid to talk to you, but I felt something different. I had only hoped for you to be kind to me. But what I found underneath that hard exterior was someone who wanted to be accepted for who he is, not for what he has done. The crimes that he believes he has committed, or done to him._

_I see so much good in you. I see your kindness, and your drive to do what’s best. I pray to the Maker that you do not lose this. This is what I have come to love admire about you._

_When the nights are long and if you find yourself look up at the stars, know that someone in Ostwick is looking up at them and thinking of you._

_Always,_

_Nikki R. Trevelyan_

_PS. Read the book. If I ever see you again. Answer me._

Folding the letter along the creases he placed it in the left interior pocket of his linen shirt. Drumming his fingers over it lightly he released the breath he had been holding. His stomach relaxed.

Leaning back onto the pillow his fingers still touching the paper through his shirt he whispered to no one,

‘Always.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mon coeur va avec toi : My heart is going with you.
> 
> According to Google Translate...if it is wrong please let me know!!


	9. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Implied Sexual Assault

_Dearest Bryan, **  
**_

_Hi. How are you? I assume you are too busy with your new duties because you have yet to send word to me that you made it to Kirkwall safely. I had to hear it from the Knight-Captain who had read a letter from Knight-Commander Meredith that she was impressed by the way you handle mages._

_I don't know what that means and I am choosing to believe it is because you are careful and protective._

_We received word of the Blight and the brave Warden that gave her life to end it. Did you know she was a mage? The Hero of Ferelden they call her. Ser Keven said she was from the circle tower in Ferelden. That's where Cullen came from? Maybe ask him if he knew her? I wish to know more._

_Write me soon dear brother._

_Love,_

_Nik_

She left a lopsided heart next to her name. When he was informed he had received a letter from his sister he had been hesitant to open it. They had been in Kirkwall for almost 4 months and she was right. He hadn't written her like he said he would and he felt the sting of guilt reading over her letter.

But once Cullen and him had step foot in the Gallows it had been non-stop work. They had found that there were rampant rumors of blood mages and apostates. Being new to the Circle and Cullen’s new title, they were tasked to search them out. A long and tiring process that he was sure would bore his sister to tears to read.

Folding the letter he put it on his desk. He would write back to her after his duties.

_Dear Nikki,_

_Yes, I am safe in Kirkwall. I am sorry I did not write sooner. We have been busy here. More blood mages then I have ever encountered in Ostwick. Come to think of it, I don't think there was one in the circle. Or if there was one, I never had to deal with them._

_I will ask SER Cullen about the Warden that ended the Blight. You should remember his title though. Calling him by his first name. People might think you are acquainted._

_That reminds me, he told me what you said to him before we left. He still doesn't know what it means, and I doubt he has time or the patience to ask. What you did was either stupid or brave. Both of you. Stupid or brave. Both maybe._

_Regardless, I miss you. This circle lacks your smile and laugh. I hope all is well._

_Love,_

_Bryan_

Nikki smiled at her brother’s handwriting. It felt like ages since she saw it. The Knight-Captain and given her the letter that morning, and she had been anxious ever since to read it.

Pulling a loose piece of parchment she went to work to send her reply.

_Dear Bryan,_

_See. Sending me a letter wasn't so difficult. I am proud of you._

_Life in Ostwick continues. They assigned a new Templar to take me to the village for my monthly visit. This is her first circle and just recently left her training. She isn't sure how to talk to me though. I had to explain to her that she can talk to me like she would anyone else. Or not talk. Matters little to me._

_I haven't forgotten Cullen’s title you prat. You should be careful of what you write to me. Matters of what I said to him is not your concern. I realize you are looking out for me, but I can take care of myself._

_Write soon._

_Love_

_Nik_

Holding her letter he couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his lips.

_Dear Nikki,_

_You can barely remember to eat and you expect me to believe you can take care of yourself?_

_It took me 10 minutes to stop laughing after your last letter. Some of the other templars thought I must have gone mad._

_I asked Cullen about the Hero of Ferelden. He didn't have much to say, just that she was lovely. I asked him if she was as lovely as you. He frowned before saying that no one is as lovely as you. I fear both of you got in over your head._

_This is the Cullen I see in private. Outside he seems colder. He agreed to some decisions made by the Knight-Commander that didn't seem to make sense. I can't go into detail, and I don't want to worry you. He is doing his job, we all are. Sometimes, it's unpleasant._

_Sorry to hear about the new Templar who has to deal with you. I hope she figures out how to talk. It will make that week in the village go by so much faster._

_Remember to eat little one._

_Love,_

_Bryan_

Nikki smiled. She couldn't be sure she read the words correctly.

“I’m lovely?” She whispered. “No one is more lovely than me? He must have hit his head, poor thing.” She grasped the paper tightly to her chest. Worry began to crease her brow. She wondered what decisions he had agreed too? Worse, who had gotten hurt in the process?

“Lady Trevelyan.” Knight-Captain Liam spoke from the doorway of the clinic. His mousey brown hair looked muted in the clinic’s lighting.

“Yes, Knight-Captain?” She asked, turning the paper over onto her desk. “Do you need something?”

“Is that a letter from your brother?” He pointed to the paper.

“Yes Ser. I miss him. It is good to hear from him.” She smiled. “Are you here to talk about my letter or can I assist you with something?”

He watched her for a moment, her heart starting to pound. Liam was a little older the Cullen and he was known in the Circle to exert his authority more than others. He had recently made a comment to her about her lack of respect with her back handed comments. In true Nikki fashion she advised him to show some respect to receive it.

“A mage has finished their harrowing and requires some medical attention. If you have a moment?” His voice was even as he spoke.

“Yes. Let me grab some potions. I will be up in the Harrowing Chamber shortly.” He nodded and left the room.

_Dear Bryan,_

_I do try to take care of myself. Some days it is difficult, more often than not I get 3 meals a day._

_I am flattered by Cullen's words. I know it must have taken a lot of him to say so. If you could ask him if he read the book yet. I would be interested to know._

_Today I had to help a young mage who suffered from exhaustion after a long harrowing. She is fine and passed. I imagine when she woke up to see me she thought the worst, but when I told her she had collapsed and I was there to help, she smiled at me._

_Friends are still difficult for me to make with the other mages, but later she told me she was interested in healing magic. I offered to train her. I could use the help._

_Knight-Captain Liam was nice to me today. It set me a little on edge. I wonder what he is up too._

_Love_

_Nik_

“Another letter from your sister?” Cullen’s voice caught Bryan off guard for a moment.

“Yes,” he hummed. “She wants me to ask you if you read her book yet?”

“Not yet. I don't have the time.” He said, picking the parchment up from Bryan’s hand. “Maybe I should write to her.”

Bryan snorted, “Wonderful idea. Tell her yourself that you think she is lovely. I am not flirting for you anymore.”

“I never told you to tell her that.”

“And I couldn't resist.” He laughed. “But in all seriousness, if you do. You should end whatever feelings she has for you. It would be a kindness. You can't be together, and I’m afraid maybe she holds out hope for a one day.”

“One day won't come.” Cullen spoke, returning the letter to his friend.

_Dear Nikki_

_I hope you are well. I read the letter you sent Bryan and I felt compelled to write to you._

_What happened between us was...what happened that night was amazing. I had not felt that with anyone in a very long time. The way it all happened, it felt like it was out of my control._

_I should have stopped it. A kiss is just a kiss. What we did was more than that. I will keep those memories with me, but there is no hope for us. I pray that you move on, as I have. It is for the best._

_Knight-Captain Cullen_

“You wanted to see me Ser?” Nikki asked, peeking her head around the door to Knight-Captain Liam’s office.

“Yes, Lady Trevelyan. Come in and have a seat.” He gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk.

Her petite frame sank into the chair. Liam watched her as she rocked her hips gently into the seat. Her legs dangling from the chair.

“Comfortable?” He asked.

“It's a bit tall.” She tried to joke. “What's this about Ser?”

“This.” He waved a piece of paper in front of her. “You received another letter. Not from your brother, but from Knight-Captain Cullen himself. Of course the couriers didn't think you would get a letter from him so it was delivered to me.” He flicked the letter, dropping it in front of her. “Read it.”

Shaking fingers clutched the parchment as she read through it. She felt like her heart was shattering in her chest, “you read this?” Her voice broke.

“Yes.” He said. Nikki's blush spread across her face and into her ears. “What was the nature of your relationship with Knight-Captain Cullen?”

Her breath was shaky. How was she to answer that question? What relationship?

“It was nothing.” She looked up at him. The tears she was swallowing made her vision blurry.

“Apparently.” Liam mused. “You could be charged with corrupting the moral integrity of a Templar. The punishment is Tranquility.”

She knew. As the Circle healer, she had to be present for the Rite of Tranquility. In case something went wrong.

“Ser Cullen will also lose his title and removed from the order.” He spoke.

“No!” Standing from the chair, she shouted at him. “I will take the blame. Make me tranquil, but please leave Cullen alone.”

Liam watched her, the tears finally breaking through. He watched them as they fell from her eyes, raindrops from her cheeks.

“There is a way that both of you could be spared such horrible fates.” He grinned. His dark brown eyes darkened. Nikki waited, her fists curled together. “Why don’t we start with what you did for him.”

Hesitantly she looked around the room, “Doing so would prevent Cullen from being expelled from the Order?” She asked.

“We’ll have to see, won't we?” his hands began undoing the thick belt around his waist. Eyes never leaving Nikki as she made her way around the desk. Dropping to her knees in front of him, her fingers reaching out to help where she could.

_Dear Bryan,_

_All is well. I won't be writing as much now that I am in the teaching rotation. Knight-Captain Liam says I have a way with the newcomers. He is encouraging me to use my strengths._

_I will write when I can._

_Your Sister,_

_Nikki_


	10. Sunder

Nine years past and letters from his sister were far and few in between. Bryan had sent more than he received. He tried not to be bothered by the lack of letter because for every letter that arrived she would go into detail of her life without him.

Nikki started teaching healing magic to the apprentices and she spoke about how, now, Knight-Commander Liam let her travel to the village more often, and at times on her own. She was kept busy it seemed. The only thing that kept bothering him was the way all her letter ended. Your Sister. He wasn't entirely sure why it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Perhaps, it was the fact she never called herself that.

Life kept going forward in Kirkwall. That is, until the events that led up to the chantry exploding. Garrett Hawke and his companion's at the center of it all. When faced with a choice, Bryan stood at the champion’s side to defend the mages from Knight-Commander Meredith. He didn't think twice. Cullen stood with the Champion against the Knight-Commander, in the end.

Afterwards, there was silence. Bryan sat on the ground in the courtyard of the Gallows staring at the ground. His thoughts filled of his sister. It would be unlikely that this war between mages and templars would stay in Kirkwall. It would spread, like wildfire and he knew he could not protect her.

That was when he looked up, the gentle pressure on his shoulder bringing him back. Cullen knelt next to him, his upper lip bleeding. The blood dripping down to his chin.

“You look awful.” Bryan said. The two men stared at each other until the shaking of their limbs caused by the bubbling laughter emerged, their bodies vibrating and their voice danced around the courtyard. It was inappropriate at that moment, but it was the only emotion that made sense to them.

Once their laughter died down, the two friends with their backs leaned against each other let out a sigh.

“But seriously, what happened to your face?” He said.

Gently, Cullen removed the leather gloves from his right hand, placing his fingers along the spot that was bleeding, from above his lip, down to the pad of it, sliced and bleeding. The pain growing as he paid it attention. He gazed at the blood covering his hand. It was then he saw one of the circle mages, a healer bent at his side. They stared at each other until the man coughed, covering his mouth.

“I can clean you up Ser, but it is too deep to heal completely. It will probably scar.” As the man spoke he dipped a cloth over a water jug, spilling the water over it. He handed the cloth to Cullen, instructing him to clean the area.

“Thank you, but it won't be necessary. There are people hurt worse than I. Please tend to them.” Cullen said, taking the cloth and wiping the blood from his face.

“Where do we begin?” Bryan asked. The courtyard littered with injured mages, and templars. There Knight-Commander now a statue of red lyrium, the chantry destroyed. The mage responsible, nowhere to be found.

“We begin here.” Cullen said, pulling himself up from the ground, “we start here, with us. We need to work together with the mages to gather the dead and wounded.”

Bryan stood next to him, “Spoken like a true Knight-Commander.”

“And every Knight-Commander needs a Knight-Captain at his side.” He said. Stretching out his hand, he reached for Bryan.

“Aye. It would be an honor, my friend.”

* * *

Haven was cold. Bryan didn't think he would ever be warm again. Not matter the hot drinks that were brought to him, his feet still shivered within his fur-lined boots and all Cullen would do was laugh.

“Ice must run in your veins to be able to handle this weather.” he said as he rubbed his hands together, trying to keep himself warm by the fire.

“You get used to it. In a few weeks your old bones will be used to the cold.” Cullen said. His laugh punctuated his words. Bryan gently hit him along his fur mantle.

“Yeah, whatever you say, Commander.” He said.

They continue to watch over the small number of recruits as they spared. Every once in awhile they would venture from the fire to correct a movement or stance.

“Seeker, have you word on how the conclave is going?” Cullen asked a tall woman as she approached. Seeker Pentaghast arrived in Kirkwall not long after the chantry was destroyed. Marching into the Gallows while he was clearing debris. The way she walked, carried herself it was obvious she was a warrior, but also a noble. She was looking for Garrett Hawke, but he had disappeared in the wake of his companion’s deeds.

“The mages and templars are making their way to the temple. Divine Justinia is refusing Leliana or myself to stay with her.” her voice was rough as she spoke.

“You don't agree with her decision?” Bryan asked.

“It would be safer of one of us were near her.” She touched the back of her head, her gloved fingers soothing her fine black hair she kept short. “But I am not one to argue with Most Holy. Especially on days like today.”

“We will have Inquisition soldiers in the surrounding areas so if trouble arises then we can step in before there is too much bloodshed.” Cullen said gripping the pommel of his sword tightly.

“Not until the Divine calls for the Inquisition to be reborn.” She said. “It's important that we wait for her signal, Commander.”

“Is that your title now? Commander?”

Bryan turned to see a face he had not thought of since his name appeared in the last of his sister's letters to him.

“Knight-Commander Liam,” Cullen’s voice was flat. “The conclave is at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Not at Haven.”

“I was curious about why there was such activity here.” Liam mused as he looked around. “Did not think I would find two deserters here.”

“Call us deserters if you wish, but the Order has nothing more it could offer us. And we have nothing more to give to it.” He said, his breath was warm, but it felt freezing.

Liam regarded the Commander before turning his attention to Bryan.

“You should know your sister is here. She stayed behind after the circle was disbanded to help with the children. We asked her to come to the conclave in hopes her voice could sway the other mages to return.” Liam said, a proud smile on his face.

“Where is she now?” Bryan asked.

“I sent her ahead of me. After today's events I will escort her back to Haven. It seems only fair that she gets to see her brother again.” He turned his eyes towards Cullen. “In fact, I am sure she would like to see both of you.” The corners of his mouth ticked up in a half smile, his eyes didn't reflect any joy in them. “Now if you two pardon me, I will be on my way.”

“Whose he?” Cassandra asked.

“Knight-Commander Liam from Ostwick Circle. They say that Enchanters Lydia voted for mages to stay in the circle. When the vote went through for them to be dissolved, she asked for her circle to stay neutral. Heard she was killed by one of her students.” Cullen answered.

“Terrible, and your sister was at that circle?” She turned to Bryan.

“Yes, but it doesn't make sense that she would want to stay in the circle. Yes, I think she would stay to take care of children, but trying to get mages to return to the circle? No. That doesn't sound like my sister.” He shook his head. “First chance at freedom she would have found a way to contact me.”

“Unless something was preventing her from contacting you.” She said.

“You don't think -”

“I don't like the way he smiled.” Cassandra interrupted. “The more I learn about the plight of the mages the more distasteful some Templars are turning out to be.”

She left them to go back to her duties. Waiting for word from the Divine if her men were needed.

Cullen called for the men to take a break from their exercise. As the men dispersed he caught the eye of a man, standing along the side of one of the tents. His clothes looked worn from travel, but his face was covered in fear. His eyes darting around the camp, finally landing on Bryan.

“That man over there is staring at you.” Cullen whispered.

Bryan looked back at the man, “He must know a good-looking man when he sees one.”

“Very funny.” He said, pushing his shoulder into him. “I think he might be a mage. He looks frightened.”

The man flinched when Bryan started walking towards him, “It’s alright friend. Can I help you?”

“You are Set Bryan Trevelyan of Ostwick?” He stuttered and stumbled over the words as he spoke. Bryan nodded at the man. Fumbling through the pocket of his cloak he produced a crumbled letter, “Your sister, Nikki, sent me to give you this. She said it was important that you get it before the conclave. I found you, but Knight-Commander Liam was here. I could not let him see me.”

He pushed the paper into Bryan's chest, “Did you read it? Where is she?” He asked.

“She gave me the letter outside the temple and paid me not to read it.” He explained. “You should read it, then go, quickly. Please, you never saw me here.”

Unfolding the parchment, he felt the urgency as his eyes fell upon Nikki’s hastened script. His eyes wandered over the letter, her words popping out from the page.

“Cullen,” Bryan breathed, “we have to go to the temple. We have to get her.”

“Why? What is wrong?” He asked.

“Liam. She says that regardless of what is chosen by the conclave, Liam will be taking her away. From Ostwick, from Ferelden.” His voice came faster as she read. “She will only have this chance to get away from him. There's a path to the north of the temple. She will meet me there.” Bryan looked to his friend. “We have to get here.”

That was when they saw it. A green pillar of light escaped from the temple, spreading towards the sky. Like hands praying towards the heavens, the light consumed all it touched. Then they felt it. The humid warmth that flooded Haven. Their skin felt sticky under their clothes and armor. It was hard to breathe. Then they heard it. Thunder roaring, pushing the thick black cloud out towards everything it could touch.

The cloud was the last thing they saw before it all went black.


	11. Come Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note I did use some lines from the actual game.

“What do you mean, I can’t see the prisoner?” Bryan was heated. Angry. They had brought back the only survivor of the blast that killed everyone, including his sister, from.the Temple of Sacred Ashes.The soldiers’ told stories of the mystery woman coming out of the fade. Collapsing and out cold, but very much alive.Cullen had held him back when they brought her to the prison under the chantry. Cassandra and Leliana blocked his way.

“We need the prisoner alive and they might not survive long in your custody.” Leliana said.

“That thing killed my sister.” He hissed.

“Killed more than just her. Everyone. Divine Justinia. Without her, we are lost.” Cassandra said.

“That elf, does he think they will wake up?” Bryan asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Solas believes he is close to finding a way to close the breach. As for the prisoner, we don’t know.” She explained. “They walked out of the fade. No one has done that. There is no way to know.”

The breach. The hole in the sky that was left in the wake of the destroyed temple. It cracked and tore wider, allowing for demons to fall through.

Cullen’s men have been fighting non-stop around the temple to keep the demons at bay. Once the smoke cleared, nothing kept Bryan from wading through the destruction to the temple, to find his sister.

He found nothing of her. His fingers weaved around the locket she had given him. Praying that it would light up. Show him where she was. Allow him the solace that she was alive. But her lyrium infused blood sang no songs.

It could have been the lack of lyrium in his own blood that prevented him from lighting it. He had stopped his consumption of it shortly after Kirkwall. It was a decision that he did not make lightly, but when Cullen came to him one night to tell him that he was foregoing his dose, the next morning, he knew he could not let his friend go through it alone.

“I want to see this prisoner when they wake up.” He said as he walked away.

Bryan made his way out of the chantry, his feet barely lifting from the ground as he made his way through the snow. He could hear Cullen barking out orders to his men. They were getting ready for another push towards the temple. Grabbing his sword and shield, he took his place next to them.

* * *

 

Pain. Static. Tickling. More pain.

“Fuck.” She cursed. Trying to stretch her muscles. Roll of her shoulders, a pull to her back. Nothing stopped the pain as it shot through her body.

“She’s waking up. Go get the Seeker and Sister Nightingale.” The voices rippled around her.

“Whose there?” She asked. It was then she felt the pommel of a sword hit her back.

“Silence.” A man hissed.

Crackling pain erupted from her left palm, “Ah!” She cried, eyes opening for the first time. A green glow poured from her hand. “What is the meaning of this?”

“I said, be quiet!” pommel met back again.

“I believe you said silence, first. Then be quiet” she coughed through the pain.

“Why you little…” she prepared for another strike when the door to the room opened, allowing for light to trickle in.

Two women walked in, the taller woman’s feet felt heavy on the floor, the other walked slower, like she was taking in every detail.

She watched as they circled her, “Hello, my name is -”

“Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you.” The taller woman barked.

“Dead? No. That can't be.” Nikki cried, her heart started to beat rapidly. The last thing she remembered was leaving her seat at the temple. Telling the man who was watching her for Liam she needed to find the privy.

“Explain the mark on your hand.” The warrior said, lifting her arm so that the green mark was eye level with the prisoner.

“I don't know where it came from. It just hurts.” She answered. “I don't even know what this is!”

“You’re lying!” She shoved Nikki’s arm back to her as she pulled her blade from its sheath.

“Not yet Cassandra! We need her.” The other woman finally spoke. The gasp of air Nikki had been holding escaped.

The women moved away from her, “Go to the forward camp, Leliana.” The woman named Cassandra said. “We will meet you there.” Leliana nodded to her companion before making her way out of the dungeon.

“I assume when you say we, that I am included in that.” Nikki said. Her voice barely above a whisper. “Truth be told, I would like to get out of here. Before someone else decides to hit me.”

“I think that you will find everyone outside this room wants to hit you.” Cassandra muttered as she pulled the prisoner up, her hands gripping at Nikki’s bicep. Pushing her forward, the warrior guided Nikki through the chantry and into the sunlight.

Nikki squinted her eyes, the glare of the daylight hurting her eyes. As she adjusted that's when she saw it.

The hole in the sky that glowed the same color as the mark on her hand.

“We are calling it the breach. It appeared after you destroyed the temple.” The woman explained.

“You think I did that? I’m a mage but I specialize in healing. I know a little frost and lightning spells that got me through my harrowing, but hardly enough to be dangerous.” Nikki sighed. “I haven't even used a staff since I was 16.”

“I am finding that hard to believe. They wouldn't have taken your staff for no reason.” Cassandra began pulling her through Haven. That was when she saw the faces looking at her. Scowls worn out of hatred. Disgust. “They are mourning. We lost our Divine Justinia. We looked to her for our faith, to direct us in conflict, but now she is gone. Open the gates!”

Once passed the gates, Cassandra walked around to face her prisoner. Pulling a knife from her belt, she cut through the rope that bound Nikki’s wrists together.

“There will be trial. I can promise no more.” She said. “Come. It is time for you to see the breach up close.”

“Truly. I can see it just fine from here.” Nikki looked back, beyond the gates of Haven to the angry people watching her. “But I really don’t think I should stay here, so, onward, Seeker.”

“How did I know I was a Seeker?” Cassandra asked.

“One came to our Circle a few months before the rebellion began. There were questions about Knight-Commander Liam.” She explained, following behind Cassandra as they made their way to the temple.

“Did they find anything?” she asked.

“No,” Nikki’s voice was flat. “There was nothing wrong with the way that Ser Liam ran his circle.”

“He came by Haven, before the attack on the temple.” Cassandra said.

Liam wasn't her concern at the moment. Her concern was to figure out how to get through this alive, and see her brother again.

They made their way through the mountains, towards the temple, crackling pain came to her again. She sunk into the snow on her knees before rolling onto her back, gripping her wrist tightly. A guttural cry caught in her heart.

“Every time the breach gets wider, so does the mark on your hand.” Cassandra explained. “We must find a way to close it before it tears you and the sky apart.” She extended her hand out to the mage. Nikki took it, allowing for the warrior to pull her to her feet.

“Then let's go before I am no longer of use to you.” Nikki muttered, stretching her hand out and hoping that the pain would cease.

* * *

 

‘Why do demons bleed?’ Bryan thought as he planted his boot on the demon that had his sword through its gut. Pushing it off his sword, the dark red liquid pooled and dripped off the blade, gathering in small puddles on the ground.

The fighting had felt endless and more men were falling with each wave.

“I heard word from Sister Leliana. The prisoner is awake and is headed for the forward camp.” Cullen spoke. “I am being told that if they come this way that you are not to strike.”

“My sister is gone, Cullen.” He said. “I tried to use her locket and it didn’t...It didn't work. Killing these monsters and her killer will be the only thing to bring me comfort.”

Cullen pressed his hand to his friend’s chest, “You do not have enough lyrium in your veins to call it. Maybe a one of the Templars here could try.” Bryan shook his head. “I could try.” Holding out his hand, he waited for the locket to be placed in his palm. “I still have enough for this. Let me. Please.”

Bryan stared at his sister’s locket, before placing it gently into Cullen’s hands. Starting at the golden locket, he tried to gather his energy and focus on the blood, the lyrium that sang his name.

‘Please.' He thought.

Cullen had spent years trying to forget her. He stopped asking Bryan how she was, or if she had responded to his letter. He knew she wouldn’t. Breaking her heart and his was the only thing he could do. There had been a girl he had liked in Kirkwall, Claire, and he was thankful that she was more forward with her feelings then him. But when his mind wandered, he thought of Nikki. Even when they were intimate, he would see her grey eyes and her red lips. He had ended it with Claire before the chantry exploded, telling her that he still had feelings for another, and it was not fair of him to keep them together. Afterwards he had returned to his room, pulled out Nikki’s letter and read it again, and again. Until he was sure he could hear her voice again.

The locket stirred in his hand, softly at first and then warming to a beautiful blue hue.

“You did it!” Bryan laughed as he gripped his friend’s bear fur mantle. “She’s out there. My sister is out there. Don't worry Nik. We’re gonna find you.”

* * *

 

“Drop your weapon now!” Cassandra yelled.

Nikki caught herself looking down the blade of Cassandra's sword. They had fallen when something fell from the breach, destroying the bridge they were running over.

“No!” She yelled, gripping the staff tightly. “Those things could have killed me!”

“I thought you didn't know how to use a staff?” She said, biting through her teeth.

“I am sure if you watched my form might be off, but I know enough to protect myself and if need be, I can hit a few demons on the head with it.” Nikki challenged.

They watched each other. Waiting for the other to make the first move.

“You’re right,” Cassandra said, sheathing her sword. “I cannot protect you. Keep the staff. Just remember where you are aiming your magic at. Now let’s hurry. We have to help save them.”

“Who?” Nikki asked.

“You will see.” They took off through the snow, climbing the rolling hills that lead to the temple. Each step Nikki took the more she felt she would sink into the snow. She wasn't as young as she used to be and she never been truly fit, but the last few years in the circle without much travel and more teaching had softened her stomach. If the burning in her thighs was any indication, she had been spending too much time sitting with her students, or with Liam.

“Help them!” Cassandra cried out as they came over hill, walking through a broken doorway, a building that had been destroyed. As Nikki crested the stairs she took in the scene around her.

Demons. Everywhere she looked there were demons. She caught sight of a few soldiers in uniform throwing their swords at the creatures. A tall elf mage hurdling frost spells, and a dwarf using a crossbow.

Forcing her legs to move she made her way to them, slamming the staff on the ground in front of her, she felt a charge run through her. It coursed through her veins from her heart to her fingertips. There was a spark, and the lightning she called struck two demons atop their crowns, splitting them in half.

It had been so long since she had called anything beyond the healing magic. The electricity that she felt made her heart jump. Each pulse after the other striking the demons until she could not see anymore. That's when she noticed it. The green tear in the air around them. Much smaller than the breach, but it felt the same.

“Quickly, before more.come through!” The elf yelled, taking ahold of her wrist, he pushed her hand up towards the tear. Green light shot from her hand towards the rift. The mark on her hand opened with force causing her arm to shake.

'Steady’ Focusing on her breathing, “Please close.” she whispered.

The air around them thundered. The rift was gone.

“You did it.” The elf said, a smile played on his face.

“I didn't do anything. You are the one that moved my hand.” Nikki said. Flexing her hand, she watched as the green mark faded to a dull ache.

“Ah, but it was your will to close the rift using your mark.” He said. “Cassandra. Your prisoner is a mage, yes, a powerful one, but I don't think any mage could have the power to create the breach.”

“Noted,” she said. “At least we have a way to possible close that thing.”

“Oh good. I thought we would be ass deep in demons forever.” The dwarf said crossing his arms over his chest.

“Apparently if only I will it.” Nikki muttered.

“No pressure.” He laughed. “Name’s Varric. Rogue, storyteller, and at times an unwelcome tag along.” As he spoke he looked to Cassandra, giving her a wink.

“Nikki Trevelyan. Mage. Healer, and now prisoner. Nice to meet you Varric.”

“You may rethink that stance in time. My name is Solas if there are introductions. I watched over you and the mark while you slept.” He explained.

“Thank you.”

“Trevelyan? Do you have a brother?” Cassandra asked.

“A little early to be trying to get a date, Seeker.” Varric said, his nose crinkled in laughter.

“Shut up Varric. There is an ex-templar by the name of Bryan Trevelyan.” She explained.

“Yes, my brother's name is Bryan. He was a Templar in Ostwick and then sent to Kirkwall. I haven't heard from him since before the mage rebellion began.” She said.

“Then it must be the same. He is past the forward camp with the commander.” The warrior explained.

“We will take you to him.” Varric insisted.

“Out of the question.” Cassandra said.

“You need me Seeker. You haven't been in the valley yet. You. Need. Me.” He said.

“We all go. I need to see my brother again.” Nikki said walking past the three companions. The pit in her stomach grew as she prayed that this ‘Commander’ was not who she thought it was.

* * *

 

“We hold this ground until the Seeker and the Nightingale arrive with the prisoner.” Cullen yelled at his men. Each holding their shields close to their bodies. “Your shield is an extension on your arm. Block with it.”

“What if they go a different way. The mountain pass would give them the ability to drop right into the temple.” Bryan said.

“We hold this position. There is a rift ahead and we must kill each and every demon that makes its way through.” He explained. “Understood Captain?”

“Understood, Commander.” Bryan turned to the men, “Swords at the ready!” The clanking of swords against shields clattered around them. “Fight!”

Charging in the handful of soldiers lifted their weapons, poised for attack against the wall of demons that had poured from the tear. They had fought their way here, and here is where they would make their stand.

“You and me, closest to the rift.” Cullen called over to Bryan. “If we can get the demons as they emerge, that will be less that break through for the men to battle.”

Together they battled wave after wave. Blades striking at the thick skin of the demon hordes. Each wave ended and gave a moment reprieve before the rift opened and the battle begin anew.

“I don't know how much longer the men will last.” Bryan yelled.

“Don't tell me you’re tired Trevelyan.” Cullen smirked.

“Never.” He breathed. “Do you need a break Rutherford?”

The truth was, yes, they both needed a break. Tired and weary, they kept fighting with the thought they were the ones stopping their men from dying. Each strike waning their stamina. It was then, as their strength began to falter that they felt surrounded by warmth. Enraptured in that gave them strength. It was a barrier.

Renewed energy burst through the two men, Cullen turned to see Cassandra running towards them, blade turned down ready to strike. Varric was with her and the strange elf that had appeared shortly after the conclave.

He could feel the magic ripple over his body. Comforting his aches, and starting to heal the damage.

Once the last demon fell he saw a bright green light erupt from the rift, before it disappeared into the ether.

“Lady Cassandra, you found a way to close the rift. Well done.” Cullen said as he walked over to the Seeker.

“Don't thank me Commander. It is the prisoner's doing.” She said pointing behind her.

“Nikki? Nikki!” Bryan cried, dropping his sword he ran towards her, arms stretched out. When he collided with her, he pulled her into a tight embrace, lifting her off the ground. “I was so afraid I lost you.”

“I’m here. I’m here.” She whispered.

“You’re the prisoner?” Cullen asked. He felt rooted in his spot. From where he stood, all he could see was her mass of wavy auburn hair as she burrowed into Bryan’s neck. “That's not possible. Cassandra. I know this mage, she could not have done this.”

“I keep hearing that. I am beginning to think the same.” She said.

“Mage. Is that all you can say to me?” Nikki wanted to yell. She wanted to scream. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know. She stood next to her brother, gripping her staff tightly. Afraid of what would happen if she let go.

“Nikki.” Cullen said.

“Nine years did nothing for your manners.” She said walking towards him and Cassandra. “Seeker, I won't live long enough for this trial the chancellor wants so badly. Let's see this breach up close. If I can close it with this mark I will “

“Wait a minute. My sister has been through enough. She didn't cause this. I think we can all see that.” Bryan said.

“Stop it.” She hissed. “You’re right. I didn't cause this, but if I have a way to end this, close the breach, I will do what I must. Bryan, let me do this. Getting to see you alive, makes it worth it.” Nikki turned to Cassandra, “let's go.”

Making their way towards the temple, Nikki felt strong fingers wrap around her upper arm, jerking her around.

“Come back alive, Nikki.” Cullen whispered. “For your brother’s sake.”

It was in that moment she wanted to study his face, run her fingers over the worry lines that had appeared over time. How she wondered if he had laughed lines around his eyes? He felt taller to her, broader across his shoulders.

“Did you read it?” She asked. “What would you choose?”

“Come back, and I’ll tell you.” He said. Nikki turned towards the temple, his hand slipping away from her arm. Leaving little hope in his heart that she would return.


	12. Herald

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long this took to get posted. My dad passed away almost 3 weeks ago and I am just now getting myself feeling normal again. My daddy was the best and he was so kind and gentle. This world really is missing an amazing person.
> 
> Anyways, life keeps going. Enjoy this chapter. In the next one we will get to jump into more plot!
> 
> I also want to say THANK YOU to everyone for the Kudos and comments! This wasn't supposed to go as far as it has, and the only reason I have been writing it is because of all of your encouragement. I really am looking forward to the next few chapters and I hope you enjoy them!

Solas had explained that this was the first rift, and it needed to be opened before she could close it. Opening the rift would be just the same as closing one. Concentrate, breathe, and use your will to open the breach.

The demon appeared, larger than any she had ever seen. Yes, she had seen demons during her harrowing and she had been good at learning what the beasts looked like, but only in the fade. Never had she seen one outside in the real world.

“We have to strip its defenses.” Cassandra yelled striking at the demon.

“Taunt it towards you Seeker!” Nikki said, “I have an idea.” Pulling her staff close to her, she made her way behind the demon so she was standing below the rift. Her left hand crackled to life. Her palm pulsating towards the broken air.

“Please work.” She whispered. Stretching her hand above her, green strands of the fade reached up to the breach. The strands circled and weaved around and through the rift. It felt to Nikki like it was tearing the hole wider.

Explosions rippled along the strands connecting her to the rift until it tore open. The shock wave rattled the demon.

“Hit it now!” She yelled slamming her staff to the ground. Lighting struck the beast, lighting up the remains of the temple.

“Give it everything you got.” She could hear Cassandra yell.

Solas pushed the limits of his barrier, Nikki could feel it tingling along her skin. As she felt his start to collapse she casted her own, stretching it to cover as far as she could.

“Please die already.” Varric hissed as he loaded another round of arrows into his crossbow, Bianca.

“You are so polite Master Varric, it's a wonder why it doesn't just roll over for us now.” She said.

“Less talking more hitting.” Leliana said through her teeth. Pulling back her bow, her arrows almost danced as they struck the demon.

“I think it's working.” Nikki said. The creature began to sway with each pummel of a blade, every pierce of an arrow and every strike of magic.

Surely, this was enough to take the creature down. Then what next? Close the breach. Die. Hope to the Maker she is at his side. Maybe if He wills it, she would live and have another chance to get things right.

“It's dead. Close the rift! Now!” Cassandra's screamed.

No time like now to find out. Pushing her hand up she focus on the rift, closing her eyes she pictured closing. She saw the sky unscarred, she felt the warmth of the sun. As the world around her exploded, she tasted her salty tears and the last thing she thought of before the world went black was amber eyes.

* * *

“Will she wake up?” Cullen asked. He stood next to Bryan who was sitting on a chair next to the bed that held Nikki’s sleeping form. They had placed her in a small cabin down the way from the chantry. It was full of trinkets from the previous occupant. And it was warm thanks to the fireplace. It was the first thing Cullen did when they brought her back to Haven. As Adan went to work checking on his patient, he put a fire together to keep her warm.

Adan was upset at first, telling him that she didn't need to be cooked out of the room. But Bryan had explained that his sister was not used to the cold weather like him, and it would be important to keep her warm, the healer relented.

“The healer is not sure.” He spoke. Gently he rubbed his fingers over the back of her hand. “No one has come back from fade, much less attempted to close a rift in the sky. This is new territory for everyone. He did say that now that the breach is stable, so is the anchor on her hand.”

“That is good news then. You know Seeker Pentaghast as calling her the Herald of Andraste?” He asked.

“Yes, and I wish she wouldn't. I meant what I said. My sister has been through enough. She should be allowed to live a normal life.” Bryan hissed. “We all do.”

“We won't get too. Not with the chaos of this war. Once she wakes up, then maybe. One day.” Cullen said.

Bryan lifted an eyebrow as he watch Cullen reach down and softly run his gloved hand over her pale cheek.

“You should tell her.” He said.

“I can't. She deserves better.” Cullen whispered. He turned to leave the cabin. “Let me know when she wakes up.”

* * *

It was the sunlight that lit up the cabin that woke her first. Her eyes squinting as she took stock of her surroundings. As her eyes adjusted she heard a door open.

Lifting her head to see who was entering, she saw an elf in the room.

“You’re awake! Blessings from the Maker!” They cried.

“I’m alive.” Nikki breathed. “The breach is it closed?’

“Still in the sky, but stable. At least that's what they say.” The elf said. “Lady Pentaghast will want to know you’re awake. She said right away.”

“Why do you seem nervous?” She asked.

“I beg your pardon. Lady Pentaghast said right away.” Before Nikki could ask the elf to stay they were out the door, running out into the snow.

Removing herself from the bed she found a pair on clean clothes folding on the nightstand next to the bed. The linens she was wearing felt damp from sweat. Taking a few moments to clean herself with a cloth that was sitting next to the water basin.

“Obviously someone had faith I would wake up.” She muttered.

Once washed and she pulled on the clothes that had been left for her. Imagine her surprise when the shirt buttoned and their were no gaps between the buttons that laid over her endowed chest, or that the pants weren’t too long on her short legs.

“Bryan did this. Had to be him.” She whispered with a smile. Her brother had always made sure that her clothes fit in the circle. Robes were always easy because they were larger by design, but he knew she liked to dress in normal clothes when she was alone.

Leaving the small cabin, she pulled the door closed behind her.

“It's her!”

“I heard she was the one that tried to close the rift.”

“Maker be praised.”

“The Herald of Andraste.”

Nikki heard the whispers around her as she walked through the crowd of people as they gathered. One by one they dropped down to their knees in prayer. She could hear some singing the chant.

This continued as she trekked the distance to the chantry. She felt her face getting warm despite the cold air around her.

“What is going on?’ She asked herself. “Whose this Herald of Andraste?”

“The Lady Seeker are waiting for you beyond the door your worship.” A Sister said, pointing down the long hallway.

“Your worship?” Nikki raised her eyebrow. “On second thought. Don't answer that. I have a feeling I don't want to know.”

The door at the end of the hall was thick and looked heavy, but she could hear voices on the other side. She recognized the male voice as Chancellor Roderick. 

“That prat.” She hissed as she opened the door.

“Seize her! I want her ready for transport to Val Royeaux immediately.” The man called upon seeing her.

“Belay that order.” Cassandra said dismissing the soldiers.

“Can someone tell me what's going on?” Nikki asked, the door shutting behind her.

“What is the last thing you remember?” Leliana said.

“Trying to close the breach.”

“We thought you had died. We brought you back here for our healer to take care of you. He and Solas took care of you.” Cassandra explained. “But we had no way of knowing you would awaken.”

“Are we going to ignore the fact that she destroyed the temple and killed Divine Justinia?” The chancellor yelled.

“There is no proof that says she did.” The Seeker said, “we heard voices at the temple. The Divine called out to her for help.”

The memory of the ruined temple came back to her. The Divine's voice calling out, her own voice echoing in response. Then another voice, one that felt dragged through grave spoke. Nikki did not recognize that one.

“On your head be to consequences, Seeker.” He hissed as he left the room.

“I swear he already said that.” Cassandra muttered.

“Do you really believe I’m innocent?” Nikki asked. Her voice rushed, unsure if she believed it herself.

“I believe we do not know what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. You could have been sent by the Maker for all we know.” She explained.

“Sounds like more people than you think share that belief. If my walk over here is any indication.” She groaned.

“Will you help us? Our mission is to create order in this chaos, and now we must find who killed the Divine. If the Maker did send you to us, we need your help.” Cassandra said, reaching her hand out to Nikki.

She glanced at the hand offered to her before hesitantly taking it.

“You need more help then you realize I’m afraid, but if this mark can be of use I will help.”

“Where is she?” They could hear the deep voice echoing through the Chantry.

“I believe she is with Lady Cassandra and Sister Leliana Ser.”

Moments later the door swung open and a visibly agitated Bryan walked through it. Cullen grabbing his shoulder tightly.

“Remember what Adan said, Bryan.” He whispered to him. “She will still need rest!”

“You’re alive!” He said, wrapping his arms around her. “Thank the Maker. You're alive.”

“How long was I asleep?” Nikki asked as she squeezed her arms around his middle.

“Four days.” He smiled.

“And he was at your side through most of them,” Cullen said. “I had to pull him away today as he started to smell.”

“You're still an arse.” He said. “And if I recall, you have been with me most of the time.”

Red blossomed over Cullen’s cheeks, racing to reach the tips of his ears. Nikki looked over at him, a smile playing across her face.

“That is comforting to know.” She said.

“I see you know Commander Cullen. He is in charge of the Inquisition's army.” Cassandra spoke.

“We met when I was in Ostwick. Before Kirkwall.” He said. “Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“More than one.” She whispered.

“Come,” Bryan tugged on her hand. “Let's catch up before Cassandra makes you do something I don't agree with.”

She looked back at Cassandra and Leliana. They spoke and pointed to a large book in front of them. Before the door closed she caught sight of Cullen. His eyes never left hers as the door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	13. Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the kind words! It makes my heart happy. My dad was my biggest cheerleader when it came to my writing.

The Inquisition was reborn. At least that is what Cassandra had said. Nikki was not sure what that meant, but she stood quietly as she was introduced to Josephine, their ambassador.

She was quite interested in Trevelyan family. Bryan told her it was off limits. Yes, they were noble children, but neither had seen their family in years. Both had to give up titles because of the Circle.

“I don’t see why we can’t just reach out to your parents. Maybe invite them to Haven.” She said with a sigh.

“I haven’t seen my parents since I was 5. I doubt it would be a happy family reunion.” Nikki muttered.

“Agreed. It’s been too long. If they do decide to come see her, they should do it on their own.” He said. He was sitting on a bench in the ambassador’s office, his arms folded across his chest.

“Fine, I will not push this. For now.” She said before picking up her clipboard and walking out of the room.

“When do you leave for the Hinterlands again?” He asked.

“In a few days.” She whispered. “You know, going from living your life in the Circle and hardly allowed to leave it, to now having this freedom to go places. It’s kind of a crazy feeling.” There was a smile on her face, but it was hiding the stress she was feeling down in her stomach.

“I still don’t think you should go, but I already said my peace. Now I will just do everything I can to support you on this.”

After she had awoken in Haven they spent a good deal of time just talking. They talked about Ostwick and Kirkwall. He admitted to her that he had stopped taking lyrium and was no longer part of the order.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, her hand lying flat across his forehead. “I don't detect a fever.”

“Mild headache, but I feel fine other than that. You don't need to hover.” He laughed.

“I’m your sister,” She smirked. “It's part of the job.”

If she was like this with him, he would have to be Cullen when she found out he was also foregoing lyrium.

There were things she would not discuss with him. The nature of what happened between her in the Circle after he left was one. Knight-Commander Liam was the other. Nikki had waves him off saying that it no longer mattered. She had been given her freedom and Liam died in the blast at the temple. It no longer mattered.

“Your Worship, Sister Leliana would like to speak to you when you have a moment.” A runner said. Peeking her head through the door. “She is in her tent.”

“Of course.” Nikki said. “Now if you excuse me dear brother. I have to go do actually work.” She laughed.

“Yes, Herald.” He smirked.

* * *

Leliana had wanted to give her more information on her agent in the Hinterlands. A scout by the name of Harding would meet us at the camp and provide additional details on the situation at the Crossroads.

“Sounds like it will be messy.” Nikki said as she read over the report in her hand.

“Yes. Templars and Mages keep killing each other more each day.” Leliana explained. “My agents say they have lost count of the casualties”

“Maybe we should leave earlier.” She muttered. Handing the report back to the spymaster she gave a sad smile, “I’ll let the others know we will be leaving tomorrow.”

“I will inform Josie and the Commander.” Leliana placed the report on the table. “Is there history between the two of you?”

Nikki started coughing, choking on air. “I don't know what you mean.”

“There way you two look at each other. I have been in love before. I know that look.” Her smile was all-knowing as she spoke.

“We are not in love. That's ridiculous.” She laughed. “I have a respect for him, as one of his charges. Nothing more.”

“If that is what you wish to believe. But your attitude is something very different. Walk in the Maker’s Light.” Leliana dismissed her.

Nikki made her way down the stairs when she caught a glimpse of Varric and waved at him.

“How are you doing Princess?” He asked.

“Princess?” The nickname caught her off guard.

“I tend to give everyone nicknames. If you don't like it I can always come up with a new one.” He explained.

“It’s better than 'Your Worship’ or 'Herald’. Plus it sounds regal.” She said with a smile.

“It also describes how your brother treats you.” Varric’s laughter felt light.

“He just over protective. More so since I survived the conclave.” She said, rubbing her fingers together she took a seat next to him by the fire.

“Now that Cassandra's out of earshot. How are you holding up?” He asked. Since she woke up she had found herself drawn to sitting next to Varric and listening to his stories.

“Well, beside that I have no idea what I am doing... I'm wonderful.”

“I never thought Andraste would send a liar as her herald.” He joked.

“You obviously don't know Andraste then.” She winked at him. “But to be serious. I don't know how I feel. I am just kind of winging it. So we will see how that goes.”

They sat around the fire sharing stories of times past. Nikki asked about Garrett Hawke and if he was as handsome as his book made him out to be.

“I’ll have to tell him you think so. He would find that very amusing.” He laughed, his hand striking at her knee.

“Who would find what amusing?”

They looked up to see Commander Cullen holding a cloth to his hand.

“Cullen, are you alright” She asked, eyeing his hand from her seat.

He looked down, gripping the linen tightly, “I was sparring with a recruit and he didn’t realize the sword was sharp, apparently.”

Before he could continue her hand was wrapped around his arm and was pulling him towards the chantry.

“Be careful you two!” Varric called out with a small smile gracing his face.

* * *

“Stop fussing and sit down.” Nikki said, pulling on the commander’s collar until he relented, sitting in the chair that she had pushed into the corner of the chantry.

“I told you, Lady Herald. I am fine.” He hissed.

“You are a horrible liar. And I thought we would be past titles now, Commander.” She hissed in return.

“I don’t know what gave you that idea.” He whispered.

“Your attempts to avoid this conversation are amazing. It’s a wonder you can even do anything else.”

Dropping to her knees she examined the cut on the top of his hand. He had been sparing with one of the new recruits and their sword slipped, running across the back of his hand. He had felt a little foolish for having removed his gloves not five minutes before. Running a damp linen over the cut, Nikki cleaned the blood around the wound then pressing it firmly over his hand, pressing her thumbs down in an attempt to slow the bleeding.

“It wouldn’t look right to have you on your knees in front of me.” Cullen said as he watched her work. The tips of his ears turning red.

“There are worse things than getting caught on your knees in front of a handsome man.” She muttered.

Silence fell between them. Uncomfortable as it was, he did not fight her. Even when she removed the linen from his hand. Running her right index finger over the wound. The finger began to glow green and where her finger touched, the skin healed.

“There. Magic can be used for good.” Nikki spoke. Their eyes met, grey pools holding his amber ones in place. It was then he finally saw her. Her face had gotten rounder, her eyes sunken a little more. Like she hadn't slept enough. Her lips were still the deep red they had been years before. Her body filled out in places it hadn’t been before. She was beautiful.

“Thank you, Hera-Nikki.” He said with a nod. “I should return to the recruits.”

As he was about to leave the chantry he looked back at her, still sitting on the floor, she glanced up at him.

“I would refrain from sparring with the troops for a few days. Just in case.” She said. “I haven't used my healing magic in awhile. I feel a little rusty.” One again a smile spread across her face.

“It feels like new. You always were a talented healer.” He said.

“Too bad I wasn't there when you got that scar on your lip. Might have been able to heal that too.” Nikki mused, running her fingers over her own lip, mirroring where his scar was.

“It was a dangerous and blood event. It was for the best you weren't there.” He said.

Her smile faded and turned her face towards the ground. Picking the bloody cloth from the ground she crumpled it tight in her palm.

“You are right. You should return to your troops. I am sorry for keeping you so long.” She whispered. Lifting herself from the floor she made her way to the back of the chantry and out of his sight.

* * *

The next morning Nikki, Cassandra, Solas and Varric started their journey to the Hinterlands. Her advisers met to send them off as the sun was rising.

Cullen grabbed the reins to one of the horses, holding him steady for Nikki to climb onto.

“You realize I am a mage. I have never needed to know how to ride a horse.” She mumbled as she perched herself on the animal's back.

“You cannot enchant a rug to get there, so horses will have to do.” He said, patting the horse’s neck. “Be safe. Send us reports as you can.”

“Of course.” She smiled. “I will try to make them.very boring for you.”

They watched each other for a moment. Before his hand touched hers as she gripped the bridle.

“We will watch for your return” Leliana spoke. His fingers left her hand. “Don't ride too hard. These are the only horses we have until you can talk to Master Dennet.”

“I’ll make it a priority.” She pressed her heels into the horse, leading her companions towards the sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	14. Templar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but the next one will be a fun one :) promise!

His hands brushed over the soft skin of her thighs. She mewled with each caressed, her hips rolling with him. Only thin pieces of cloth separating their joining. If he could just do this with his hands, imagine what he could do with his mouth, or his cock. The thought caused a moan to escape from his throat.

“Cullen, please.” She whispered. Reaching her hand out to him, her fingertips grazed the side of his cheek.

“Maker’s breath. I love you.” He smiled running his fingers through her auburn hair. His mouth hot against her pulse on her neck. “Nikki.”

“I love you too.” Grey eyes watching his amber ones, as he pulled her smalls down her legs. “Don't stop. Just don't-”

“Wake up Commander!”

Cullen startled in his seat, almost taking a tumble to the floor. He had gone into his tent for a quick rest as he could feel the pinching of a headache. Now to his embarrassment he had been woken from a naughty dream. He hoped he hadn't been making noises. To only add to the embarrassment, it was a dream about Nikki. He told himself when she was named the Herald of Andraste he would put his feelings aside. They were at war. Their survival had to come first.

“Commander?” The recruit asked again.

“Yes, what is it?” He barked.

“There is a Templar here, demanding to know where the Herald is.”

Cullen grabbed his bear fur mantle, slipping it over his armor, he exited his tent.

“Where?” He hissed.

“At the Chantry Ser.” The recruit pointed to the direction the other man took.

Grabbing the pommel of his sword, he started the short trek. The sounds of yelling leading his way.

“I demand to know where she is.”

“Ser, we are not at liberty to give out the whereabouts of the Herald are.” The chantry's sister explained. Her hands held out in front of her body. Trying to keeping a distance between them.

“What is the meaning of this?” Cullen said.

A young Templar, barely past his training, turned to face him. His steps faltered when he looked upon Cullen. This kid was half a foot shorter than him and at least five stones less.

“I asked you a question, and I expect an answer.” He growled.

“Ser, I was sent here by an interested party.” The boy said. “He says he has rights to her and wishes to collect.”

The boy’s face suddenly met the ground, a large armored foot pressed his face into the snow.

“My sister isn't property.” Bryan hissed. “Tell your interested party that if they want her, they have to go through me.”

“And me.” Cullen said.

“And no doubt the whole Inquisition.” Leliana said as she calmly made her way over from her tent. “It would be best to run off.” Bryan moved his foot from the boy’s scalp. “Now. Hurry.”

The young Templar scrambled to get onto his feet. Once he could get traction under his feet, he was gone from Haven.

“Have him followed.” She spoke softly to a scout standing next to her. “I want a report by the end of today. Who is his interested party, where are they, and how many people are involved. Go.” the scout bowed low at their hip before disappearing from her side.

“Should we warn the Herald?” Cullen asked.

“No, we don't need to worry her while she is away. I will send a bird to Cassandra. Let her know to be wary of Templars.” She said. Turning to him she nodded her head in the direction of the chantry. “Walk with me a moment Commander.”

Together they made their way down the hallway. “Did you need something?” He asked.

“We must consider that the Order is not a safe ally to close the breach.” She whispered.

“I don't think that all Templars have gone mad.” He began to argue.

“If we can approach the rebel mages, that would be our best bet.” She said.

“And why do you think that?” His voice came out with a hushed growl.

“The Herald is a mage. She could speak to them better than she could the Templars.”

“That is where you are wrong. Lady Nikki was raised by the Templars. When I was at Ostwick she only spoke to the Templars there.” He stopped walking.

“You assume things do not change.” She hissed. “And you, out of everyone here should know that all it takes is a moment to change your heart.” Her fingers flicker of his bracer. The faint outline of the Order’s symbol lifted from the metal.

“You have seen who I was, and who I am now.” He whispered.

“So has she.” Leliana smiled. “Let's give her the choice and trust her decision.”

* * *

Fire danced and crackled in the moonlight. Nikki huddled next to it, hoping to warm her limbs. The heat would help to melt her aches away.

“It's the way you hold your staff.” Solas said sitting next to her. “Your form is ridged. If you relaxed your stance, you would not be so sore.”

“And here I thought it was because I was fat.” She said, the corners of her mouth turned upwards. When Solas didn't return her smile she coughed quickly, “That was a joke. But yes. My form is a little rusty.”

“Why is that? I thought Circle Mages were allowed to carry staffs.” He said. His delicate fingers wrapped tightly around the wood of his staff.

“I was given a staff after my harrowing. But I had it taken away after an incident with a Templar who decided to pinch my bottom.” Solas quirked his eyebrow up. “I hit him on the head with it. Poor bastard wasn't wearing a helmet.”

A laugh escaped from his lips. He continued until the small fit rolled to his body shaking, fingers grasping at his stomach to try to soothe the aching muscles there. Nikki watched her stoic companion turn into what she imagined a laughing toddler would look like. With less hair.

“How about we get up early tomorrow and I help you with your form?” He said once his laughter had died down.

“That sounds like a good idea. Thank you Solas.”

They sat in silence, warming themselves by the fire. Every so often he would light another piece of wood with his magic and add it to the fire.

“Lady Seeker?” A scout said as they made their way to camp.

“She’s reading in her tent.” Nikki smirked, pointing to the tent with a small candle lit. “Enter at your own risk.”

Everyone knew when Cassandra was reading she was not to be interrupted. Nikki had learned that the hard way.

The scout sighed, his shoulders dragging behind him as he made his way to the Seeker's tent.

“What is it?” They could hear the hiss in Cassandra’s voice.

“Raven came for you my lady. Urgent matter from Sister Leliana.” he spoke quickly. In the candlelight Nikki could see the scout practically throw the letter at her before taking off running.

“I wonder if it bothers Cassandra that people are seem to be afraid of her.” Nikki said.

“I think it's the opposite,” Varric said as he ran a cloth over Bianca's sides. “I think that fear is what sustains her.”

“We need to head back to Haven.” Cassandra said emerging from the tent.

“Can it wait until morning?” Nikki said rubbing her eyes. The idea of getting on her horse again today made her skin crawl.

The Seeker moved from one side of camp to the other, “If we leave when the sun rises then, yes, we can leave in the morning.”

“I think all our arses thank you.” She said with a small smile. Lifting herself from her seat. “I suppose our lesson will have to wait until Haven, Solas. Goodnight.”

In her tent, Nikki sat on her bedroll. Gently her fingers rubbed the blisters that had formed over her feet. One had freshly drained and the skin felt thick and damp.

Soft groans escaped from her lips as the tension eased from her limbs.

“We have to be careful of the Templars.” Nikki could hear Cassandra speaking to the others. “One came to Haven looking for the Herald’s location.”

“Why don't we just tell her?” Varric asked.

“Leliana doesn't want to cause her any panic. Right now, her job is to bring peace of mind to the people of Thedas. For all we know the order just wants to talk.” She said.

“But you don't think that is the case?”

“No, nor does Leliana. We have done a lot of good here. We need to return anyways to resupply. But protecting Nikki will be easier in Haven.”

“Who are we protecting her from?”

Nikki didn’t wait for the answer she already knew.

Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	15. Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Sexual Assault & NIghtmares

The ride back to Haven was rough, even for a seasoned warrior like Cassandra. She could feel the bruises left from the horse forming around her backside and she feared that she may never walk normal again.

“Next time we ride all day, let’s not do that.” She said handing the horse over to the stable hand.

Nikki giggled behind her, “You won’t get a complaint from me.” Once her horse was in the stables she gently squeezed the shoulder of the stable hand. “Master Dennett will be here in a few days so you will have more than enough help.”

“Thank you, Your Worship.” He said with a nod.

Nikki made her way behind Cassandra, making their way to the Chantry. As she walked she tried to give her hips and thighs a little stretch. How embarrassing would it be to see Cullen again while walking like she had an itch in an inappropriate place.

“They must be in a meeting. I don’t see Cullen or your brother with the troops.” Cassandra muttered. Scanning over to the recruits she found the Seeker was correct. In the days before they left she had gotten used to watching her brother work with the troops, and she might have shamelessly used this time to keep an eye on Cullen. Who would watch her when he thought she wasn’t watching him.

She missed him. It ached in her heart that after 9 years, by fate they end up in the same place and yet, he feels farther away. She had held out hope that his letter was wrong, but maybe he had been telling her the truth. He had moved on. And in the eyes of the Maker, she paid for her sin.

“Everything alright?” Cassandra asked.

“Yes. Should we interrupt their meeting?” She asked, pushing her way through the Chantry entrance. “After all, you all are trying to protect me from something. I should have the right to be apart of that meeting.”

“How do you know that?” She asked.

“I overheard you last night. You will find that keeping me in the loop and being honest with me will get me to play nice.” Nikki hissed. “As of right now, I don’t feel nice.”

* * *

 

“The scout reported that the Templar met up with another group. He was chastised for returning without the Herald. One said the Knight-Commander would be upset with him.” Leliana said reading off the report.

“Knight-Commander?” Cullen raised his eyebrow. “It sounds like the Order is regrouping.”

“Or, they are sheep that have flocked to a Shepard.” Bryan said.

The door to the war room opened. The weight of the heavy door slammed behind Cassandra and Nikki once they entered the room.

“Are you taking up herding sheep, Bryan? Mother would complain of the smell.” Nikki said.

“We were just discussing some agriculture options around Haven.” He said with a smile.

“Shut up. You're a horrible liar. I already know that a Templar came to Haven to collect me.” She hissed. “Why would you try to hide that from me?”

Nikki didn't get angry often. In fact, Bryan could only count on one hand how many times he had seen her angry, and he never saw her angry with him.

“I’m sorry,” He said. “It was wrong of us to try to hide it from you.” Walking over to his sister he took her hand, gently squeezing it. “Forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you, you arse!” She nudged him. “Now, someone tell me what we know.”

“A Templar soldier came to Haven looking for information on your whereabouts.” Leliana began to explain. “He stated that you belonged to his interested party, and he was there to collect you.”

She remembered those words. Before the conclave when he left her in the care of another Templar. She was only there because he deemed it. If she ran away, if she was not where he left her, he would come to collect her.

“I know who it is.” She whispered. “It's Liam.”

“He was at the conclave.” Cullen said, “he couldn't have survived.”

“I survived. Plus he left me, and I don't remember seeing him return.” Nikki wrung her fingers together as she spoke.

“Why would he say that you belonged to him?” He asked.

The breath caught in her throat. If he knew, what would he say? She deserved it? How unfortunate that she had been so naive? Would he blame himself?

“Knight-Commander Liam became obsessed with me in the years since you and my brother left. He was protective and didn't want me to be anyone else’s charge. He kept me from other mages expect for lessons and wouldn't let other Templars near me. In his head, I was his mage.” Nikki gave a half truth. She couldn't say. She couldn't let him know the depth of his control.

“Did he hurt you?” It was Cullen’s voice that brought her back from the memory that formed. Looking into his eyes she saw his concern, and she knew that he could never know.

“No. He didn't.” She whispered.

“How far do you think he will go to get you back?” Leliana asked.

Nikki shook her head, “I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up here himself. Don't doubt him. When he had his mind set to something, nothing could stop him.”

“If he shows up here, I will kill him.” Bryan growled.

“Excuse me, I need some fresh air.” She said, tugging a strand of her long wavy hair behind her ear before exiting the room.

* * *

 

When they dismissed the meeting Cullen made his way through the chantry. It was starting to fill for the evening service.

“Where you headed?” Bryan asked.

“To find Nikki. She shouldn't be out alone.” He whispered.

“If I know my sister she is probably curled up around the fire and listening to Varric's stories.” He smiled. “She’ll be fine. You should rest.”

“You didn't see it then? Did you?” Bryan shrugged his shoulders, “Your own sister and you can't tell when she is hiding something?”

“No, but I know she will tell me when she is ready.” Outside the air was cool. “Look, yes I know Liam hurt her. I don't know the extent of it.” He sighed, “She cares for you, of course she wouldn't tell the man she has had feelings for what was done to her. She’s afraid you will see her differently. And she tells me nothing because she knows I would blame myself because I could not protect her.”

“That is strangely astute.” Cullen whispered.

“Arse.” He kicked his friend. “Let's go get an ale, and then get some rest. The troops know to not let any unknown Templars into Haven.”

“Lead the way Captain.”

Nikki sat back down on the log next to Varric when she saw Bryan and Cullen making their way to the tavern.

“Thank the Maker. I can handle them one at a time but I don't think I can handle both their mother henning at once.” She said.

“What happened between you and Curly?” Varric asked. “I knew him in Kirkwall and he was as uptight as it comes, but he takes one look at you and it's like he forgets how to hold his sword.”

“I don't know what you mean. Cullen holds no feelings for me.” Nikki whispered. Her fingers picking at the loose string of her tunic.

“Well, that's the biggest load of horse shit that I ever smelt.” He laughed. “I think that Curly never broke a rule in his life. Until he met this young mage that is full of life and laughter. Maybe they start to fall for each other, but they shouldn't. Templar and mage thing. But they find each other. He likes the way she laughs and she likes the way he lets her see his smile. Maybe they go too far, or not far enough. He has to leave and their love story has to end.”

Nikki opened her mouth to make a comment but Varric continued,

“She tells him to move on. They’ll never see each other again. Until one day they do. Now she thinks about who else he may have loved, and he wants to tell her how he feels, but he’s got this sense of duty that he has to fulfill so he won't. Unless the two of them get over themselves and talk to each other.”

Nikki took in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before releasing it. The air hissed as it moved through the small gap between her teeth.

“That's an excellent story, Varric. The ending needs some work.” She stood from her spot and started to make her way to her cabin.

“Goodnight princess.”

* * *

 

It felt like a lifetime ago since she just sat in the grass. Letting it dance under her palms. A smile bloomed over her features. This felt like heaven. Wind playing through the leaves of nearby trees gave way to a snap. Her eyes opened and began their search for where the sound came from.

In the distance she saw a figure walking towards her. Tall and broad, she couldn't recognize them and their face had yet come into view.

“Cullen?” Nikki asked, standing from her spot on the ground. The figure continued to close the distance between them. “Bryan?”

The veil between the two of them was lifted, and the first thing she saw was dark brown eyes piercing into hers.

“Liam.” She whispered.

“I knew if I searched the fade long enough I would find you.” He said with a smile. Nikki gazed over him, his body seemed glow with a hazy red. He reached out and gently touched her cheek, “you know, I always find you. Do you know why?” She shook her head. “Because you are mine. I own you.”

“Liam, please.” She said, tears starting to well behind her eyes.

“I should have claimed you the night before the conclave. Filled you until you could hold no more and you would bear my child.” He bent his hand back. Her face erupted in red as his hand came back for a vicious slap. “Now I hear you are in Haven. With him. Cullen. He threw you away. You meant nothing to him. I am the one that pulled you up. I gave you purpose. Do you really think he would care for you now?” Liam smiled, “Should I tell him about how beautiful you look, when on your knees?”

Nikki whimpered, watching him as he circled around her. Liam was a predator and she was his prey.

“I will offer you this one deal. Come to me and we can run away. You will be my wife and I will care for you like no other. We can live anywhere you wish.” He stopped in front of her. His rough fingers pushed her hair away from her face. “If you do not come to me, I will kill everything you love. Your brother. Your family. All the Templars that raised you. I will kill Cullen in front of you. I will make you tell him every filthy thing we did because his letter got caught, and then I will slit his throat from ear-to-ear and you will watch as he dies.” His voice was hot against her face, “I will give you two weeks to meet me in Therinfal Redoubt. Otherwise, Haven will feel my wrath.”

Everything went black.

* * *

 

It was late when Cullen left the Tavern. He hadn't realized how late it had become. Excusing himself he made his way back to his tent.

“Goodnight Curly!” Varric yelled from his stool, waving his hand above his head.

“Goodnight Varric. And the name is Cullen. Commander Cullen.” He said walking out the door only to hear Varric yell that he didn't care. “Maker, help me”

His feet crushed against the newly fallen snow as he made his way down and past Nikki’s cabin. He nodded to the soldier they had stationed outside her door.

The night air broke. Screaming emerged from within the cabin. Cullen pulled his sword from his belt, and with the soldier entered the cabin.

There Nikki sat up in bed, tears pouring from her eyes, her mouth opened, and the screams filling the room.

“Nikki.” Cullen recognize the night terror as he carefully laid his sword on the floor. Gently he touched her shoulder while whispering her name. “Nikki. Come back to me.”

His voice pulled her back from where she had been. Her eyes focused onto his and her screams turned to whimpers.

“Is she alright Ser?” The soldier asked. “Should I get the healer?”

“No, leave us. She’ll be fine.” He said. He continued to whisper her name and pleading for her to return to him.

“Cullen?” Her voice sounded weak. Far away from that little cabin in Haven. Before he could answer she wrapped her arms around him, leaning into his shoulders. Silent sobs shook her frame until he could hear her cries. He pulled her closer to him, the bulk of his armor keeping them apart.

“Nikki. It's okay, I’m here.” Cullen whispered.

“It was him. Liam. He found me in the fade. He threatened to hurt everyone in Haven if I didn't go to him.” She said.

“He won't hurt anyone.” He said.

“You don't know him, Cullen. He could -” Her breath caught in her throat unable to continue.

“I will protect you with my life.” He pulled her away to look into her eyes. “Please, tell me. What happened while I was in Kirkwall?”

“I can't.” She whispered.

“Why?” Cullen felt like begging her.

“Because, it's not your fault.” As she spoke her thumbs pressed over the stubble on his cheeks as she held his face.

Leaning closer to her, his hand pressed into her lower back, pushing her to him.

Softly his lips met hers. Unrushed. Too many years denied to them. Her lips were as soft as he remembered, her tears mixed with the kiss leaving a salty tang. Cullen felt her sigh into him.

Nikki pulled away from him, “Stay.” She whispered. “Please. I don't want to be alone.”

“If that is what my lady wishes. Then I am hers tonight.” He whispered.

She gave a sad laugh before placing another kiss to his lips.

Standing from her bed he began to remove his armor. Nikki leaned over and began pulling at the leather straps of his armor. It was then he saw she was just in a white shift that came to stop just above her knee.

Noticing him looking at her body, she grabbed the blanket, pulling it closer to her legs.

“I can't offer you anything beyond comfort of sleep.” She whispered.

“I wouldn't ask for more.” He said.

Once Cullen’s armor had been removed, he crawled back onto the bed. Lying on his back, he reached out for her. Gently she rested her head upon his chest. His fingers running over the top of her head. He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer to him.

“Sleep. I will be here when you wake up.” He spoke into her hair.

“Promise?”

“Always.”

Closing her grey eyes, she slipped into sleep as the lullaby of his heart played. It was heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	16. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little bit of fluff! Sorry this took so long, recovering from being sick.

Bird songs woke him from his slumber. A groaned escaped from his mouth, rolling into the body next to him. Gripping at loose linen he pulled her body closer to his chest. 

 

“Hm. Cullen?” A soft voice asked, fingers rubbing along his bare forearms.

 

“Shhh.” He whispered. “If we go back to sleep we won't have to get up.”

 

When Nikki giggled it was the most freeing sound he had heard. Removing an arm from her waist he ran his fingers through her hair,  gently  combing through the knots.

 

“What will people say about the Commander of the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste sleeping in the same bed?” She asked.

 

“I don't care.” He said. Leaning into her hair, breathing  in the smell of vanilla and lavender. “I missed you.”

 

“Don't tease me Cullen.” Her voice was hoarse as she swallow her tears.

 

“Why would you think that ?” Fingers stopped their gentle caress.

 

Rolling herself over to face him, she touched the stubble on his cheeks.

 

“Your letter said you had moved on. I didn’t think you still thought of me.” Her voice was quiet, but he could still hear the sorrow she held onto.

 

Taking her chin with index finger he moved her face to look at him. “Nikki. I was not in a good state in Kirkwall. There is much that your brother hasn't told you. Much that is hard to talk about. I didn't think we would see each other again. It was difficult for me to write that letter because I knew it would hurt you. It hurt me.”

 

“Did you? I mean, did you move on?” She asked.

 

“I tried. A short relationship with a girl that only made me think and miss you more.” 

 

“What was her name?”

 

“Claire. I broke it off with her because I couldn't stop thinking of you. It was unfair to her. She understood when I told her.” Cullen couldn't help but smile. “She wished me luck  that  I would find you again. I had lost hope.”

 

“Me too.” Bringing her face closer to his, she nuzzled her nose to his. “Liam made me believe you and my brother abandoned me. That he was the only one to want me. That I needed him.”

 

“I know you don't want to tell me, but when you are ready, will you please talk?” He asked.

 

Soft lips pressed to his before retreating. “Yes. Please  be patient with me.”

 

“Always. Will you  be patient with me?”

 

“Always.”

 

“Aren't you supposed to be with the troops?” Nikki asked. 

 

“This morning your brother is taking a turn.” He smiled. “We have a war council meeting. Mother Giselle believes we should go to Val Royeaux to meet with the other mothers.”

 

“What about Liam? He said I needed to meet him in two weeks. If I am not at Therinfal Redoubt he will come to Haven for me.” Nikki could feel the panic as it rises in her throat. Heart pounding against her chest. “I will not endanger the lives of the people here.”

 

“This is where being a military advisor comes in handy. Liam will assume you will go to him. When you don't appear he will have to scramble to get troops together and then march on Haven. My guess is what we would have another two weeks before he even showed up here, if not more.” He said. Dancing his fingers over her cheek. “If sending you to Val Royeaux keeps you safe from him, then I will take the risk.”

 

She nodded her agreement, even though she felt reluctant. Resting her head back on his chest, the sound of his breathing calming her worries.

 

“What about us? What is this?” She asked.

 

Cullen’s grip tightened around her waist, “What do you want this to be?”

 

“Real.” She whispered. “But I know a lot has happened between us. We are different people then who we were before. We should take it slow. Well, slower.”

 

A laugh bubbled from his chest shaking Nikki’s body as she leaned against him.

 

“You’re right. We are different people. Who knows, you may not even like who I am now.” He said.

 

“You might think I am an annoying smartass.” She said with a smirk on her face. 

 

Cullen pulled her face towards his, giving her a gentle kiss. “You set the pace my lady, and I will follow.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


	17. Imposter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Real life got super busy. Good news as things are starting to calm down so I will be back to working on this story :) more good news, my first novel Children of Destiny is set to be self-published in the fall! YAY!

The ride to Val Royeux felt daunting to Nikki. Every day that passed was another day closer to the two-week deadline placed upon her by Liam. Even for all Cullen’s soothing and Bryan’s promise that everything would be all right she was still nervous for Haven.

The small town had become like home to her. She had grown accustomed to the sound of her shoes in the snow, watching Cullen and her brother train the soldiers. Even a quick trip to the tavern with Varric had become her routine.

The Circle hadn't felt like home. Yes, she had been comfortable there, but comfortable like a wanted pest. Wanted by Liam, but a pest nonetheless.

The golden spires of the city appeared as they crested the hill.

“We’ll be there soon.” Cassandra spoke. “Be prepared to speak with the mothers when we arrive.”

“I’m prepared to never sit on a horse again.” Varric groaned.

“Quit your bellyaching.” She said.

“Dwarves were not meant to ride on horseback for so long, Seeker.” He answered.

“Nor are they meant to run, but you did a good job of that in the Hinterlands.” Solas laughed.

“There were bears!”

Covering her mouth with her hand, Nikki tried with difficulty to hide the laugh that rippled through her body.

“All right, that's enough. Let's find a place to keep the horses and enter the city by foot.” Her words leaked from her lips between sharp intakes of breath and silent giggles.

“There is a stable before the city gates. We can keep them there.” Cassandra spoke.

When they reached the stables as Nikki kissed the muzzle of her horse she realized with full certainty what would happen.

“They’ll arrest me here.” She whispered.

“I won't let that happen.” Solas said, a comforting smile played across his face. “We will all make sure that won't happen.”

Answering him with a nod she returned to her caresses through the horses mane. Tapping his neck she kissed him there. His light fur felt like velvet underneath her lips.

“You behave yourself,” She said. “I know how much you like to get pushy when you don’t get your way.” Her only answer from the chestnut beautify was a soft sigh.

* * *

 

Gold and white spires reached for the Heavens as if asking the Maker himself to come down to join them. Would the Maker sit upon a golden here in Thedas? The stories they told her growing up in the circle was that the Maker left us, and he must atone for our sins so he will return to us. She struggled to believe that a big powerful God would just leave his people to suffer. She asked the templars if there was anything she could do to help Thedas be forgiven of her sins. One of them asked she could become tranquil. That all mages could just become tranquil.

Another templar shoved him out of the way before telling Nikki that it wasn’t something a 10-year-old should concern herself with.

Now, she had bigger worries than how Thedas would be forgiven in the eyes of the Maker.

As they passed a group of woman, they turned their masked faces to Nikki. Silently studying her before the gasped into their petite hands, running off down the street past them. Others seeing the commotion cowered where they stood as they passed by.

“They are so welcoming. I can see why everyone wants to come here.” Varric said.

“Should I request a vacation home here? Think Cullen will give me some soldiers to build one?” Nikki asked turning to him.

“I think Cullen would rather jump off the tallest tower than have you live here.” He grumbled.

“My lady Herald.” an Inquisition scout called as she ran up the street to them before kneeling at Nikki’s feet. “The Chantry mothers away you, but so do a great many templars.”

“What are Templars doing here?” Cassandra asked, taking a step forwards towards the scout.

“The people believe they will protect them. From us. From the Inquisition.” Pointing towards the market she continued. “They’re gathering on the other side of the market. I think that’s where the templars intend to meet you. Be careful my lady.”

“I don’t want to disappoint.” Nikki whispered.

The market was empty, save for a group of people standing in front of a wood stage. Mothers and clergy stood tall, proud of their stature and rank, behind them was a wall of iron armor that Nikki remembered too well.

“Good people of Val Royeaux, hear me!” One of the mother’s spoke. “We are mourning our Divine. Her beautiful heart silenced forever by treachery. By this imposter here.” She pointed at Nikki. “You must wonder what will become of her. Wonder no more. The so-called Herald of Andraste. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I came here, wanting to talk to you all in peace. Why would you do this?” Nikki asked. She felt her blood pressure build, her heartbeat building in her temples. “There is a hole in the sky! Demons falling out of rifts around Thedas. Let us sit down together and deal with this threat.”

“It’s true, we want to help stop this madness.” Cassandra cried. “We must stand together, before it is too late!”

“It is already too late.” The voice called from sea of iron. The templars parted to allow a broad body through their masses. “Seeker Cassandra. I had higher hopes for you than this.”

“Seeker Lucius!” She said. She took the small staircase two at a time before she was face-to-face with him. “We have the opportunity to stop this right now.”

“No!” His voice bellowed, echoing off the towers.

“The order will protect the people of Val Royeaux.” The mother spoke. “This is where they belong.”

Lucius turned to her, “That is where you are wrong.” The sound of metal striking flesh startled the crowd as the mother landed hard on her backside. Her trembling hands rubbing at her reddening cheek. “There is a new Order. My Order. Come now Templars. We march from here.”

“Wait!” Nikki yelled. “Come with us. You don’t have to follow the Order anymore. Cullen and Bryan no longer follow the order, but they are still templars!”

“Traitors. Imposters.” He growled. “Ask them. Ask them if they are templars. Ask them if they still feel the blue call.” His boots were heavy against the wood as he reached Nikki. “You are naïve. An ant. If you are not careful and do as you are told, you might find yourself on the bottom of my boot.”

“I don’t take orders from you.” She hissed.

A smile stretched his thin lips, “Ser Liam seems to think you are more pliable than you appear. I can’t wait to see his face when I tell him he didn’t break you hard enough.” She could feel the warmth leaving her body. “Templars. Move out!”

His shoulder slammed in hers, but she would not drop to her knees even as the pain coursed through her body. She waited, the crowd dissipating with the templars. Until she could only hear Cassandra chastising the mothers for their ignorance, did she drop to the ground.

As her knees hit the ground, they were met with an arrow hitting the cobblestone next to her. A crimson scarf tied to the shaft. Nikki tugged at the cloth until it came loose. A piece of parchment fell to the ground.

“Meet me at the docks tonight. - Red Jenny," She whispered. “Whose Red Jenny?”

“Guess we will find out tonight.” Varric said. “But what a way to send an invitation.”

“We should be thankful they have good aim.” Nikki said with a laugh.

“Or terrible aim.” Solas added.

Cassandra descended the stairs, “Why they refuse to see reason is beyond me.” She spoke hotly, her hands waving in the direction of the clergy behind her.

“Not even sure why you tried to so hard.” Varric said.

“If we want to get the Templars on our side, we must have the Chantry’s backing.”

“That’s not going to happen.” Nikki said. “I think we should try to recruit more people to our cause. The more people we have, the less we will need the Chantry.”

“Excuse me. Lady Herald?” A young man in mages robes walked up to them. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but Madame Vivienne de Fer has requested your attendance to her salon tomorrow evening. She wishes to speak to you about your Inquisition.”

Nikki’s eyes met with her companions before returning to the young man. “Very well, tell Madame de Fer I will see her tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: childrenofdestinylove


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